Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Almost forgot to reveal my shame to a wider public

Guess what I got a question wrong on last night? Think Mastermind specialist subjects. Think the Caribbean.

And it wasn't how many wickets did Vanburn Holder get in the 1976 series. It was ... struggling to get this out ... ugh ... urrghhh ... (these are not pervy sex grunts by the way, more pained groaning caused by a lingering and genuine psychological wound) just one more ... yeoowaarrgh ... it was ... in which Caribbean capital is the Queen's Park cricket ground? ... and I said ... BRIDGETOWN! ... ye gods ... BRIDGETOWN ... bridgetown ...

Of course, it was Port of Spain. Of course, of course. The nanosecond after the craptastic answer was expelled from my mouth, I said: "That's the Kensington Oval!" Like an absolute muffing slop-tongued tosshead.

I have to face up to the stark truth. I have been rendered incapable of answering questions on cricket of any standard in a competitive quiz environment. Mastermind has killed something deep inside, something cricket-related. The chair does things to you.

It hurts. It hurts so much.

(If you would like OTT melodrama in future posts please signal your approval by some means. I don't know. A red rescue flare?* Thank you for reading this gunk)

*If I'd known The Inbetweeners was being filmed 400 metres from MY HOUSE, I would have gone down to the river and done some serious rubbernecking. Rubbernecking, like you've never seen. You better believe it.


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