Memories, Like the Corner of My BH90
The Day of Days ... Until the Next Day
Having been slightly disturbed by the resemblance of serial killer Ted Bundy to England cricket "captain" Michael Vaughan, and THEN noticing that Bundy's mother's maiden name was Cowell and THEN realising I was trying to link this infamous sociopath to every prominent male in British public life, I went to half-sleep watching four straight episodes of the late Mireille Johnston presenting A Cook's Tour of France II in slightly unbelievable fascination on BBC Learning Zone (Johnston facts: she used to be an aide to RFK and translated The Sorrow and The Pity into English for subtitling and overdubbing) and woke up to BBC News 24 spouting the momentous and predictable news it is A Level day in the fair land of Albion today.
Ah, I loved the 18-year-old naivety of the girls gathered round the reporter, each of whom declaimed that it was the most important thing in their lives like ever, and jumping up and down like a row of Tiggers when they found all their meagre dreams were going to come true (except for one, who heard the call of Clearing ring out in her head, whilst everyone else was joyous). You will learn, my teenlings. You will learn.
I do realise I take such results for granted, so granted in fact they ain't even on my CV anymore, and tend to forget the pivotal role they played in getting me to a place called university and from thence on another location known as the crushing awfulness and conformity of adult life (well, I should have seen it coming). Even if my current existence does resemble the circadian rhythms of a student, I have to say I wouldn't want it any other way. I loved the freedom given to you by a practically bare schedule.
But maybe the part of reason I forget those particular exams is because I got a B in General Studies. My thing. The general stuff. Deemed to be second-rate, second-class at what I was supposed to do best.
Shameful.
And every A Levels day this is a striking reminder of my slackness. Sure, those multiple answer GK questions were fine and fun, but what about the rest? The questions that demanded slightly more rigorous thought and answer selection? Hmm, I just bumbled along really, not giving two hoots, not actually being arsed. Though, day-yem, I wish I had been. It's annoying more than anything. Like a small pebble in my shoe that I am reminded of every so often. However, come to think about it all I did was rely on my skills of fact and quote memorisation in all the other ones (best performed the night before in a sort of sweaty, blind panic; I guess the adrenaline helped brand the facts in the short term memory well enough), so what the bejesus I am complaining about?!!!? Bah.
And as I lay that ghost to rest, I am left pondering where are this year's eye-poppingly attractive female A Level triplets? Or do we have to wait til tomorrow morning's Telegraph front cover. If there aren't any I will be sorely disappointed. You see, they do it often enough and it becomes some sort of aesthetic fix. A fix, I tells ya!
Happy Birthday to Sarah-Jane
My sister. She is fourteen today. Carrying on my six-year infantile graffiti-cut-up birthday card series, I bought her a Superman Returns number and crossed out the the ON where SON was and wrote SARAH down it vertically. Then I drew lipstick and a wig on Brandon Routh's superhero-sculpted bodice and drew boobs on his suit. Without the nipples. I'm not a perv, I assure you.
Then I stuck a £2 on the inside with a Pritt Stick and wrote with an arrow next to it: "I asked you four times what you wanted for your birthday so this is what you're getting ... make sure you tell me next year WHAT YOU WANT ... Tsk". A sign of class if ever there was one.
(I'm joking, of course. My heart is not made of lead and nastiness and my brain is not crammed with nonsense; I said I'd get her a gift when she decided on something. Everything else is true, though)
1 The world's biggest painting by a single person, the 8,000 square metre Mother Earth, was recently completed by which Swedish artist after taking two years and using up 100 tonnes of paint?
2 Born Stefano du Giovanni, which man (c.1392-1450) was the leading painter of the Sienese school and produced such works as The Meeting of St Anthony Abbot and St Peter the Hermit (c.1440) on display at Washington DC's National Gallery of Art?
3 What name is given to a series of barrels or other containers used for aging drinks like Sherry, Madeira, Marsala, Muscat, Muscadelle and Balsamic vinegar?
4 What name is given to the dark wine grape, which is indigenous to the Achaia region in the Northern Peloponnese and the dark red, sweet, fortified dessert wine produced by it, and which is principally produced by Achaia-Clauss, the winery founded by the Bavarian Gustav Clauss?
5 Which actor and fashion designer's names are used as aliases by Marty McFly in the Back to the Future movies?
6 Which city in south-central Spain, the capital of the same-named province, is known as the "World Capital of Olive Oil" because it is the biggest producer of this "liquid gold", as locals refer to it?
7 Designed by J Mays and Freeman Thomas of Volkswagen's California design studio, which Audi sportscar was first shown as a concept car at the 1995 Frankfurt Motor Show and has been produced since 1998 in Gyor, Hungary?
8 The ham or "pata negra de bellota" come from the black-foot pigs of what old breed that are fattened on acorns?
9 The Bienal de Flamenco, considered the greatest showcase of that dancing style, is held in which city every two years?
10 Known for such albums as his recent record Arfur, Bubbi Morthens is one of the most popular singers and songwriters in which country?
11 As depicted in a Sir William Quiller Orchardson painting of 1883 that was based on Carlyle's account, which guest of the Duc de Sulli was called away and horsewhipped in the street by two hired thugs in the pay of the Duc de Rohan and returned to the dining room demanding vengeance only to be met with indifference?
12 Considered to be the oldest city in the Netherlands, which city near the German border celebrated its 2000th year of existence in 2005 and is believed by the Dutch to be the capital of their ancient ancestors the Batavians and was the site of a castle Charlemagne built in the 8th century?
13 Which Scotsman painted six illustrations of Homer's Iliad that he produced in Rome in 1763 for Sir James Grant and which include Achilles Lamenting the Death of Patroclus?
14 Which Boston-born brothers directed the landmark documentaries Salesman, Gimme Shelter and Grey Gardens?
15 Whose agent warned: "You do realise, you will never make a fortune writing children's books"?
16 Known for such films as Cafe Lumiere, City of Sadness and The Puppetmaster, which Taiwanese director's latest film is titled Three Times?
17 The famous "Wilhelm Scream" was originally recorded for which 1951 Raoul Walsh Western starring Gary Cooper?
18 Which John Updike novel was described as "horseshit" by Martin Amis?
19 Which Young British Artist gave up his job as an assistant film editor first made his name with his "door paintings", a series of almost identical gloss paintings of hospital doors, and followed it up with lurid, gloss-paint Pop Art shapes, one of which, 1996's Snowman, can be seen at New York's Museum of Modern Art?
20 One of the major figures in abstact expressionism and colour field paintings, which New York-born artist (1905-1970) reached his fully mature style with the Onement series that he began in 1948, and was famed for painting areas of colour separated by thin vertical lines he called "zips", his 1950s work The Wild being just one such eight feet by one and a half inches zip?
21 Which conductor left the Berlin Philharmonic in 2002 and was recently described as the first post-holder "who's not been carried out in a box" by curren incumbent Simon Rattle?
22 Wife of record producer Walter Legge, of which opera singer did Sir Thomas Beecham say when told he had met her in Berlin in 1938: "I didn't even notice her - I must have been blind"?
23 Easily his most famous work, who published the novel The Monkey Wrench Gang in 1975, the tale of four ecologically-minded misfits including the Green Beret Vietnam vet George Hayduke, who are all set on sabotage in the American southwest?
24 Which classic 1884 novel by the French writer Joris-Karl Huysmans centres mostly on the tastes and inner life of the antihero Des Esseintes, an eccentric and reclusive aesthete?
25 Which 1962 novel by James Baldwin begins by detailing the downfall of jazz drummer Rufus Scott, set off by the suicide of his white lover, Leona?
26 How many calories are there in a pound of fat?
27 Spread through Microsoft Word, what was the name of the first macro virus created in 1995?
28 What computer was announced by a single commercial broadcast during Super Bowl XVIII in 1984?
29 In 1971 Vietnam vet John Draper used a giveaway whistle from a Cap'n Crunch cereal box that could perfectly reproduce a 2600 hertz tone to build what early version of what "phreaking" electronic device, which when used with a whistle and sounded into a phone receiver allows people to make free calls?
30 Developed in 1973, what was the first personal computer to use a mouse, the desktop metaphor and a graphical user interface (GUI)?
31 In 1962, Mariner I went off course during launch due to a missing "bar" in what piece of software, a general-purpose, procedural, imperative programming language?
32 Which Brazilian rock band, whose name is an acronym from the Portuguese for "tired of being sexy", were started in September 2003 as a joke since nobody except the drummer could play their instruments properly?
33 Which Spanish Tenebrist painter and chief in the so-called Cabal of Naples, who is also called Lo Spagnoletto or the "Little Spaniard", is known for such principal works as St Januarius Emerging from the Furnace in Naples cathedral, and two paintings now seen in The Louvre: Le Pied-bot and what is generally regarded as his masterpiece the Adoration of the Shepherds (1650)?
34 Rediscovered by the 19th century Realists and celebrated for their paintings of peasants, the artist-brothers Antoine, Louis and Mathieu all signed their work only with which surname?
35 Established on May 15, 1941, what was the Hebrew name of the regular fighting force or "Strike Companies" of the Haganah, the underground army of Jewish settlers that operated during the British Mandate of Palestine?
36 Its country's largest exporter from 1999 to 2001 and one of the three main exporters, Embraer is an aircraft manufacturer from which country?
37 Marlon Manalo, Ching-Shun Yang, Francisco Bustamante and Elfren Reyes are famous names in which sport?
38 Which 36-year-old sportman's original name is Ratchapol Pu-Ob-Orm?
39 John Parris is famed for making what kind of sports equipment?
40 The term "ein Frauenversteber" is considered an insult directed at males in Germany. What does it mean?
41 First gaining popularity in the US in the Sixties when they became an alternative to mass-produced shoes, what Mexican sandals are traditionally made from a recycled tire sole?
42 Which well-known character was introduced in a 1973 TV movie, The Marcus-Nelson Murders, in which his last name was spelled with an extra letter "c"?
43 Employed by the British catering and food company J. Lyons and Co., what was the name of the first business computer, which was modelled closely on the Cambridge EDSAC and ran its first business application in 1951?
44 What in Islam is a "qasr"?
45 Which Irish-American author wrote The Unexpurgated Code: A Complete Manual of Survival & Manners, a 1975 non-fiction humorous book which deals out advice on such subjects as "Ass kissing and other types of Flattery", "Cannibalism" and "When the Overwhelming Desire to Goose a Lady Cannot Be Suppressed"?
46 Serving in the Apostolic Palace near St Peter's Basilica, who are the attendants of the Pope and his household in the Vatican City?
47 What are the Vikram Samvat, the Shaka Samvat and the Kali Yuga?
48 From the Greek for "soft shell", what is the largest class of crustaceans, which includes most of the animals that non-experts recognise as crustaceans, such as the decapods: crabs, lobsters, true shrimp and krill?
49 Woodlice breath through gills that are known by what name?
50 Which large body of water on the southern end of Hudson Bay borders the provinces of Quebec and Ontario, and contains islands - the largest of which is Akimiski Island - that are part of Nunavut?
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Answers to BH90
1 David Aberg 2 Sassetta 3 A solera 4 Mavrodafni 5 Calvin Klein, Clint Eastwood 6 Jaen 7 TT (as in Tourist Trophy) 8 Iberico 9 Seville 10 Iceland 11 Voltaire 12 Nijmegen 13 Gavin Hamilton 14 Albert and David Maysles 15 JK Rowling's 16 Hou Hsiao-Hsien 17 Distant Drums 18 The Witches of Eastwick 19 Gary Hume 20 Barnett Newman 21 Claudio Abbado 22 Elisabeth Schwarzkopf 23 Edward Abbey 24 A rebours/Against Nature or Against the Grain 25 Another Country 26 3,500 27 Concept virus or WM.Concept 28 Apple Macintosh 29 Blue box 30 Xerox Alto 31 Fortran 32 CSS/Cansei de Ser Sexy 33 Jose de Ribera 34 Le Nain 35 Palmach 36 Brazil 37 Pool/Billiards 38 Snooker player James Wattana 39 Cues 40 "A man who understands women" 41 Huaraches 42 Theo Kojak (then spelt Kojack) 43 LEO I (Lyons Electronic Office I) 44 A short prayer 45 JP Donleavy 46 The Papal Gentlemen or Gentlemen of His Holiness 47 Hindu calendars 48 Malacostraca 49 Pseudotrachea 50 James Bay
Having been slightly disturbed by the resemblance of serial killer Ted Bundy to England cricket "captain" Michael Vaughan, and THEN noticing that Bundy's mother's maiden name was Cowell and THEN realising I was trying to link this infamous sociopath to every prominent male in British public life, I went to half-sleep watching four straight episodes of the late Mireille Johnston presenting A Cook's Tour of France II in slightly unbelievable fascination on BBC Learning Zone (Johnston facts: she used to be an aide to RFK and translated The Sorrow and The Pity into English for subtitling and overdubbing) and woke up to BBC News 24 spouting the momentous and predictable news it is A Level day in the fair land of Albion today.
Ah, I loved the 18-year-old naivety of the girls gathered round the reporter, each of whom declaimed that it was the most important thing in their lives like ever, and jumping up and down like a row of Tiggers when they found all their meagre dreams were going to come true (except for one, who heard the call of Clearing ring out in her head, whilst everyone else was joyous). You will learn, my teenlings. You will learn.
I do realise I take such results for granted, so granted in fact they ain't even on my CV anymore, and tend to forget the pivotal role they played in getting me to a place called university and from thence on another location known as the crushing awfulness and conformity of adult life (well, I should have seen it coming). Even if my current existence does resemble the circadian rhythms of a student, I have to say I wouldn't want it any other way. I loved the freedom given to you by a practically bare schedule.
But maybe the part of reason I forget those particular exams is because I got a B in General Studies. My thing. The general stuff. Deemed to be second-rate, second-class at what I was supposed to do best.
Shameful.
And every A Levels day this is a striking reminder of my slackness. Sure, those multiple answer GK questions were fine and fun, but what about the rest? The questions that demanded slightly more rigorous thought and answer selection? Hmm, I just bumbled along really, not giving two hoots, not actually being arsed. Though, day-yem, I wish I had been. It's annoying more than anything. Like a small pebble in my shoe that I am reminded of every so often. However, come to think about it all I did was rely on my skills of fact and quote memorisation in all the other ones (best performed the night before in a sort of sweaty, blind panic; I guess the adrenaline helped brand the facts in the short term memory well enough), so what the bejesus I am complaining about?!!!? Bah.
And as I lay that ghost to rest, I am left pondering where are this year's eye-poppingly attractive female A Level triplets? Or do we have to wait til tomorrow morning's Telegraph front cover. If there aren't any I will be sorely disappointed. You see, they do it often enough and it becomes some sort of aesthetic fix. A fix, I tells ya!
Happy Birthday to Sarah-Jane
My sister. She is fourteen today. Carrying on my six-year infantile graffiti-cut-up birthday card series, I bought her a Superman Returns number and crossed out the the ON where SON was and wrote SARAH down it vertically. Then I drew lipstick and a wig on Brandon Routh's superhero-sculpted bodice and drew boobs on his suit. Without the nipples. I'm not a perv, I assure you.
Then I stuck a £2 on the inside with a Pritt Stick and wrote with an arrow next to it: "I asked you four times what you wanted for your birthday so this is what you're getting ... make sure you tell me next year WHAT YOU WANT ... Tsk". A sign of class if ever there was one.
(I'm joking, of course. My heart is not made of lead and nastiness and my brain is not crammed with nonsense; I said I'd get her a gift when she decided on something. Everything else is true, though)
1 The world's biggest painting by a single person, the 8,000 square metre Mother Earth, was recently completed by which Swedish artist after taking two years and using up 100 tonnes of paint?
2 Born Stefano du Giovanni, which man (c.1392-1450) was the leading painter of the Sienese school and produced such works as The Meeting of St Anthony Abbot and St Peter the Hermit (c.1440) on display at Washington DC's National Gallery of Art?
3 What name is given to a series of barrels or other containers used for aging drinks like Sherry, Madeira, Marsala, Muscat, Muscadelle and Balsamic vinegar?
4 What name is given to the dark wine grape, which is indigenous to the Achaia region in the Northern Peloponnese and the dark red, sweet, fortified dessert wine produced by it, and which is principally produced by Achaia-Clauss, the winery founded by the Bavarian Gustav Clauss?
5 Which actor and fashion designer's names are used as aliases by Marty McFly in the Back to the Future movies?
6 Which city in south-central Spain, the capital of the same-named province, is known as the "World Capital of Olive Oil" because it is the biggest producer of this "liquid gold", as locals refer to it?
7 Designed by J Mays and Freeman Thomas of Volkswagen's California design studio, which Audi sportscar was first shown as a concept car at the 1995 Frankfurt Motor Show and has been produced since 1998 in Gyor, Hungary?
8 The ham or "pata negra de bellota" come from the black-foot pigs of what old breed that are fattened on acorns?
9 The Bienal de Flamenco, considered the greatest showcase of that dancing style, is held in which city every two years?
10 Known for such albums as his recent record Arfur, Bubbi Morthens is one of the most popular singers and songwriters in which country?
11 As depicted in a Sir William Quiller Orchardson painting of 1883 that was based on Carlyle's account, which guest of the Duc de Sulli was called away and horsewhipped in the street by two hired thugs in the pay of the Duc de Rohan and returned to the dining room demanding vengeance only to be met with indifference?
12 Considered to be the oldest city in the Netherlands, which city near the German border celebrated its 2000th year of existence in 2005 and is believed by the Dutch to be the capital of their ancient ancestors the Batavians and was the site of a castle Charlemagne built in the 8th century?
13 Which Scotsman painted six illustrations of Homer's Iliad that he produced in Rome in 1763 for Sir James Grant and which include Achilles Lamenting the Death of Patroclus?
14 Which Boston-born brothers directed the landmark documentaries Salesman, Gimme Shelter and Grey Gardens?
15 Whose agent warned: "You do realise, you will never make a fortune writing children's books"?
16 Known for such films as Cafe Lumiere, City of Sadness and The Puppetmaster, which Taiwanese director's latest film is titled Three Times?
17 The famous "Wilhelm Scream" was originally recorded for which 1951 Raoul Walsh Western starring Gary Cooper?
18 Which John Updike novel was described as "horseshit" by Martin Amis?
19 Which Young British Artist gave up his job as an assistant film editor first made his name with his "door paintings", a series of almost identical gloss paintings of hospital doors, and followed it up with lurid, gloss-paint Pop Art shapes, one of which, 1996's Snowman, can be seen at New York's Museum of Modern Art?
20 One of the major figures in abstact expressionism and colour field paintings, which New York-born artist (1905-1970) reached his fully mature style with the Onement series that he began in 1948, and was famed for painting areas of colour separated by thin vertical lines he called "zips", his 1950s work The Wild being just one such eight feet by one and a half inches zip?
21 Which conductor left the Berlin Philharmonic in 2002 and was recently described as the first post-holder "who's not been carried out in a box" by curren incumbent Simon Rattle?
22 Wife of record producer Walter Legge, of which opera singer did Sir Thomas Beecham say when told he had met her in Berlin in 1938: "I didn't even notice her - I must have been blind"?
23 Easily his most famous work, who published the novel The Monkey Wrench Gang in 1975, the tale of four ecologically-minded misfits including the Green Beret Vietnam vet George Hayduke, who are all set on sabotage in the American southwest?
24 Which classic 1884 novel by the French writer Joris-Karl Huysmans centres mostly on the tastes and inner life of the antihero Des Esseintes, an eccentric and reclusive aesthete?
25 Which 1962 novel by James Baldwin begins by detailing the downfall of jazz drummer Rufus Scott, set off by the suicide of his white lover, Leona?
26 How many calories are there in a pound of fat?
27 Spread through Microsoft Word, what was the name of the first macro virus created in 1995?
28 What computer was announced by a single commercial broadcast during Super Bowl XVIII in 1984?
29 In 1971 Vietnam vet John Draper used a giveaway whistle from a Cap'n Crunch cereal box that could perfectly reproduce a 2600 hertz tone to build what early version of what "phreaking" electronic device, which when used with a whistle and sounded into a phone receiver allows people to make free calls?
30 Developed in 1973, what was the first personal computer to use a mouse, the desktop metaphor and a graphical user interface (GUI)?
31 In 1962, Mariner I went off course during launch due to a missing "bar" in what piece of software, a general-purpose, procedural, imperative programming language?
32 Which Brazilian rock band, whose name is an acronym from the Portuguese for "tired of being sexy", were started in September 2003 as a joke since nobody except the drummer could play their instruments properly?
33 Which Spanish Tenebrist painter and chief in the so-called Cabal of Naples, who is also called Lo Spagnoletto or the "Little Spaniard", is known for such principal works as St Januarius Emerging from the Furnace in Naples cathedral, and two paintings now seen in The Louvre: Le Pied-bot and what is generally regarded as his masterpiece the Adoration of the Shepherds (1650)?
34 Rediscovered by the 19th century Realists and celebrated for their paintings of peasants, the artist-brothers Antoine, Louis and Mathieu all signed their work only with which surname?
35 Established on May 15, 1941, what was the Hebrew name of the regular fighting force or "Strike Companies" of the Haganah, the underground army of Jewish settlers that operated during the British Mandate of Palestine?
36 Its country's largest exporter from 1999 to 2001 and one of the three main exporters, Embraer is an aircraft manufacturer from which country?
37 Marlon Manalo, Ching-Shun Yang, Francisco Bustamante and Elfren Reyes are famous names in which sport?
38 Which 36-year-old sportman's original name is Ratchapol Pu-Ob-Orm?
39 John Parris is famed for making what kind of sports equipment?
40 The term "ein Frauenversteber" is considered an insult directed at males in Germany. What does it mean?
41 First gaining popularity in the US in the Sixties when they became an alternative to mass-produced shoes, what Mexican sandals are traditionally made from a recycled tire sole?
42 Which well-known character was introduced in a 1973 TV movie, The Marcus-Nelson Murders, in which his last name was spelled with an extra letter "c"?
43 Employed by the British catering and food company J. Lyons and Co., what was the name of the first business computer, which was modelled closely on the Cambridge EDSAC and ran its first business application in 1951?
44 What in Islam is a "qasr"?
45 Which Irish-American author wrote The Unexpurgated Code: A Complete Manual of Survival & Manners, a 1975 non-fiction humorous book which deals out advice on such subjects as "Ass kissing and other types of Flattery", "Cannibalism" and "When the Overwhelming Desire to Goose a Lady Cannot Be Suppressed"?
46 Serving in the Apostolic Palace near St Peter's Basilica, who are the attendants of the Pope and his household in the Vatican City?
47 What are the Vikram Samvat, the Shaka Samvat and the Kali Yuga?
48 From the Greek for "soft shell", what is the largest class of crustaceans, which includes most of the animals that non-experts recognise as crustaceans, such as the decapods: crabs, lobsters, true shrimp and krill?
49 Woodlice breath through gills that are known by what name?
50 Which large body of water on the southern end of Hudson Bay borders the provinces of Quebec and Ontario, and contains islands - the largest of which is Akimiski Island - that are part of Nunavut?
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5
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Answers to BH90
1 David Aberg 2 Sassetta 3 A solera 4 Mavrodafni 5 Calvin Klein, Clint Eastwood 6 Jaen 7 TT (as in Tourist Trophy) 8 Iberico 9 Seville 10 Iceland 11 Voltaire 12 Nijmegen 13 Gavin Hamilton 14 Albert and David Maysles 15 JK Rowling's 16 Hou Hsiao-Hsien 17 Distant Drums 18 The Witches of Eastwick 19 Gary Hume 20 Barnett Newman 21 Claudio Abbado 22 Elisabeth Schwarzkopf 23 Edward Abbey 24 A rebours/Against Nature or Against the Grain 25 Another Country 26 3,500 27 Concept virus or WM.Concept 28 Apple Macintosh 29 Blue box 30 Xerox Alto 31 Fortran 32 CSS/Cansei de Ser Sexy 33 Jose de Ribera 34 Le Nain 35 Palmach 36 Brazil 37 Pool/Billiards 38 Snooker player James Wattana 39 Cues 40 "A man who understands women" 41 Huaraches 42 Theo Kojak (then spelt Kojack) 43 LEO I (Lyons Electronic Office I) 44 A short prayer 45 JP Donleavy 46 The Papal Gentlemen or Gentlemen of His Holiness 47 Hindu calendars 48 Malacostraca 49 Pseudotrachea 50 James Bay
posted by That Quiz Guy at 11:24 AM
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