Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Magic Moment

When Ray Met Alex

If there were no list programmes, life would be a little more depressing, but thank God that they are there to fill up my Sunday nights and distract me from doing proper work.

Last Sunday it was the 100 Funniest Moments and though any list TV show that claims Peter Kay singing Danny Boy while sucking down helium is the most laugh-worthy little vignette in the history of mankind is worth as much as a gob of spit in the fiercest furnace of hell, at number 29 there was the gem all trivia fans have heard of: yes, Ray Ward's appearance on Balls of Steel, or as he thought, the segment called Alex Zane's Cleverness Game. (Funnily enough I have a photo of the back of Alex's head from Reading ... I might put it up later ... if you send me the finest wines known to humanity)

Mark Dolan and Zane provided the commentary we all had been waiting for. They were trying to get "genuine reactions" out of "genuine people" probably because actors have recently become officially unfunny. And they sure found the motherlode in Ray. Of reactions that is.

The "sense of injustice" they had been aiming to build and build like master-builders building towers of smoking and charred corpses reached boiling point in Ray. His "GET IT!" - after being told that Anne Frank's diary ended in 1946 - was the most terrifying affirmation of truth since well, a bunch of very angry people told President Ahmadinejad to shove his Holocaust theories where the Sun's rays do not reach.

But what was even more hilarious was Dolan saying "I started to worry for Alex" and Zane then saying "he was the only one who really scared me" and "RAY WARD!" (in a truly ominous manner) like two weeping babies with as many balls between them as a testicular cancer treatment ward. Balls of steel? Balls of that icky jelly you get in pork pies more like.*

Therefore we can conclude that these two television chaps feared that Ray was going to batter Alex to death with his walking stick, jump up and down on his fashionably clothed corpse, rip his stylish locks out with his hands, then tear his still throbbing vital organs out and feast on his monkfish and wine-filled entrails, whilst crying: "I know Anne Frank! I know Anne Frank!". All because this was what happened when quizzers went BAAAAD. Driven to madness by false answers.

It would have been so much funnier.

As it is, Ray is the 29th funniest moment. EVER!


* Aspic, I know


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know it was rehearsed, right?

10:19 AM  

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