Friday, August 15, 2008

Yukety yuk

Gah. Gah

Been ill. A nasty stomach thing. Obviously, if I wasn't sick then I would be spouting rubbish at length about the Battle of the Brains in triple posts and about how the Ant Hill Mob are undoubtedly the greatest quiz team in Britain. Yes, THE GREATEST. Even if the show is predicated on a team draw chosen by Shine North and relay-style running order and there is no scoreboard and endgame style tournament for the best performing teams. If the Television People say something, it must be true.

I have to say that whenever Paddy said such bloviated things I instinctively spluttered and giggled at what he said. It was the unbelievable chutzpah, the sheer shiney brass balls of such an unthinking claim, right up there with the Daily Express's masthead statement that it is the "World's Greatest Newspaper", that made me guffaw so very very loudly - that, and Hayley saying "Javier Bardem". She commented afterwards how she had heard me make some 'orrible noise when she made the mistake. I kinda said some sort of apology afterwards, which she might not have heard.

As for the questions, some of the crucial questions which have been so diabolical they must have made the devil stop in his tracks when he was struck by their uber-diabolical nature: of course, they have been manipulated to make sure no one wins too much money. Or any money at all. It's what television production companies do, people. And they can get away with it because what is the likelihood of us taking our complaints to Ofcom and getting anybody to care about them? Zilch, zip and nada. So we must swallow such bitterness and get on with playing the game as best as we can.

The two-hour shows we recorded have been macerated so completely it's like watching the trailer of the main feature film. Interesting questions have been cut, natural tension dissipated and amusing repartee has been omitted, with fake dramatic pauses inserted for silly reasons. This I expected, but it does nothing to enhance the overall impression you get from the programme. In fact, it merely degrades it. It is, as I have said before, an hour/45 minute show stuck in a 30-minute straitjacket.

And - yeah let's talk about me, me and me! - what about my hair? Never has it been so big. I really do have a problem with my body image. It never occurred to me that Cousin It had taken residence on my bonce. Why didn't more people point and laugh? I looked like a right bleeding hippy. No wonder Daphne Fowler told me to get a haircut a few weeks before. Plus, a few weeks ago people in the pub tugged and fiddled with it as if it were an arcade machine and felt bolshy enough to laugh and, this is weird, say admiring things about its possibly Cavalier connotations. Thankfully, I have since chopped my hair down to a respectable 1964 kind of length. Except, I messed my fringe up. Fool. I should really stop cutting my own hair.

However, the same face with the scrunched up eyes and squashed pumpkinhead remains - oddly, the one that never appears in my bedroom mirror, but only on the TV screen. Cosmetic surgery may cure me of the further paranoia induced by its shape and odd movement. Right, enough of the narcissism (though I am sorely tempted to go on. And on).

Anyway, the next match up is Monday BBC2 6pm. We, the greatest quiz team in the country, will be proving that once again we are the greatest quiz team in country. The blinding proof will be there for all to see. We will surely persuade you of our right to parade such an accolade. Or, um, maybe not. Maybe, it's just another quiz show. And if you can't catch it there, try iPlayer. Yes, see my massive hair, funny face and laugh in uproarious fashion.

1 Tatsuhiko Takimoto's 2002 novel Welcome to the N.H.K. is the most well-known fictional work dealing with which people, whose name comes from the Japanese for 'pulling away, being confined', as in acute social withdrawal and who are regarded as reclusive individuals who have chosen to withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement due to various personal and social factors in their lives?
2 Bryndzové halušky, meaning potato dumplings with sheep cheese, is the national dish in which country?
3 The capital of the department of Nariño, which Colombian city is located in the Atriz Valley on the Andes cordillera at the foot of the Galeras volcano and is home to the Carnival of Blacks and Whites (Carnaval de Negros y Blancos) that is celebrated from January 4 to January 6 every year?
4 Which 1985 Pet Shop Boys song provides the theme tune to the US reality TV show Beauty and the Geek?
5 In which team sport can you play in the positions Setter, Libero, and Middle Hitter?




Answers to FE:XXVI
1 Hikikomori 2 Slovakia 3 Pasto or, officially, San Juan de Pasto 4 Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money) 5 Volleyball


Post a Comment

<< Home