Wednesday, March 21, 2012

What did I say about 'smartyfartypants' commenters?

Is a 'tamarind monkey' like a Tamarin but tastier?

[SLOW HAND CLAP]

Yes, it is an integral part of a Simian Pad Thai.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

One More To Go On The Road

Wee small hour posting - my only kind

We may be champions, but there's still cliches to play for. I pondered renting a trio of trained golden tamarind monkeys (hey, they got style) to take up the first three spots in my team, while I filled the fourth, but I realised this would be a) disrespectful to my team of ultra-capable homo sapiens b) insanely expensive and on the impossible side, logistically speaking and, finally, c) far too batshit crazy for normal life, especially a sedate Sunday in President's Cup land.

So it came down to Brian answering the last question for a two-pointer to win the game for London. The question, we believed and feared had been predetermined by the only incomplete pair (first half: the O.T. book of Ruth), but surely, as this was the Prez-Cup, the Jack and Jilliness of it all wouldn't mean that the only other Biblical book named after a lady was coming, dear, saviour Esther, whom Jack (that's Welsby, not broken head question lingo Jack) had said as a wrong answer (which is another problem with Jack and Jill, those naughty nursery rhyme scamps) when he was asked about Ruth.

Alas, it was she. The pair had been inevitably matched up. Esther all the way. Guffaws filled the team. Thus, it was a second season loss for Sussex, who are already champions. Hey, have I mentioned that?

Then again, having written almost an entire paragraph rattling on about a pair of predictable questions, the set was good, bordering on the excellent, and perfectly suited for league needs. Well done, Rob Radinden.

And you know what. I wrote a friendly that very Sunday morning, c'est vrai, vraiment, constructed mostly from questions that couldn't find a home anywhere else, but like a pack of Littlest Hobos, travelling from show to newspaper to random charity quiz, they found work to do here. The questions are alright, though they be pariahs of a certain hue.

One team won 40-42 (yes, I wrote a quiz whose brutality had been diluted enough to warrant 40+scores on both sides: amazing). London might have been victorious. They were seated on my right. Whatevs.

Now, the Standard Operating Procedure has become the norm. In each round pick a number 1-8, feel cursed to get a question you know nothing about or the only three questions about relatively obscure sports facts. That's the way the cookie crumbles and needless, to say, as QM and QW, I had the last laugh, especially as I wrote the set while listening to this audiobook of sheer brilliance, nuance and other -ances.

Unanswered questions have been bolded up. Answers in a smaller font - a new innovation. You know you want to know if you could have beaten the failed answerers don't you? Don't you. You want to know if you're a WINNER. You winner.

Questions with dubious factage and coincidental usage in other arenas have been censored. For my sake.

And comments typed in the comment section about actual factual errors, which must first be approved by myself, will be briefly glanced at, but will not be published on this blog, because smartypants comment-posters got smarts that don't need showing off in this here darn tootin' trivia saloon. Yah here me? Y'all. I'm going all Back to the Future 3 tapering off into gangsta territory here. Time to get 'em out. Light 'em up, boys.

MARCH 11, 2012, PRESIDENT'S CUP FRIENDLY

ROUND 1
1 What was the surname of [CENSORED]?
[CENSORED]
2 Which star of The Young Ones wrote the autobiography Bigger Than Hitler - Better Than Christ?
RIK MAYALL
3 What was the earldom of the Dublin-born William Petty-FitzMaurice, 1st Marquess of Lansdowne, who became Prime Minister on July 4, 1782?
2ND EARL OF SHELBURNE
4 The former Blur bass player Alex James writes a weekly column for The Sun on which subject?
FOOD
5 The UK has three Independent National Radio stations: Classic FM, Talksport and what else?
ABSOLUTE RADIO
6 Which country's only competitive football win remains a 1-0 victory v Macedonia in a 2006 World Cup qualifier?
ANDORRA
7 During the time of the British Empire, "Jack Tar" was a common English term used to refer to who?
SEAMEN / SAILORS of the Merchant or Royal Navy
8 At 1493m, the Feldberg is the highest peak in which wooded mountain range in Baden-Württemberg?
BLACK FOREST

ROUND 2
1 Ponzi scheme fraudster Allen Stanford holds dual citizenship of the USA and which Caribbean country?
ANTIGUA & BARBUDA
2 Co-founded by Ingrid Newkirk in 1980, what claims to be the world's largest animal rights group?
PETA - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
3 Former West Indies opener Phil Simmons coaches which international cricket team?
IRELAND
4 Which charts are navigational maps based on compass directions and estimated distances observed by pilots at sea? The name is derived from the Italian adjective meaning 'related to harbours'.
PORTOLAN charts
5 Chosin Reservoir, Osan, and Taejon were major battles in which 20th century war?
KOREAN WAR
6 Which building has the first and only thatched roof permitted in London since the Great Fire of 1666?
SHAKESPEARE'S GLOBE / THE GLOBE THEATRE
7 In 1979, which Earl was assassinated by an IRA bomb planted in his fishing boat, the Shadow V, at Mullaghmore, County Sligo?
LOUIS MOUNTBATTEN, 1ST EARL OF MOUNTBATTEN OF BURMA
8 In which 1925 film does Charlie Chaplin's tramp travel to the Yukon?
THE GOLD RUSH

ROUND 3
1 Traffic lights inspired Ken Aston to come up with which sporting innovation?
RED & YELLOW CARDS
2 Phytotherapy is often used as a synonym for which type of traditional or folk medicine?
HERBALISM or HERBAL MEDICINE
3 The ancient Greek physician Hippocrates came from which island in the south Sporades group of the Dodecanese?
KOS - I think both teams got this one wrong, apologies to the correct answerer, if that wasn't the case
4 The American entrepreneur Reid Hoffman is best known as the co-founder of which social networking website, used mostly for business connections and job searching? It was launched in May 2003.
LINKEDIN
5 What is the chemical formula of formaldehyde - the simplest aldehyde?
CH2O
6 Who is the only Prime Minister not to have had his waxwork created for Madame Tussauds London because he was deemed to have not made a sufficient impact on the public?
GORDON BROWN
7 The Greek-born economist Vicky Pryce married which future Cabinet minister in 1984?
CHRIS HUHNE
8 Which Oscar-winning actor has played the spoof French spy OSS 117 in two films?
JEAN DUJARDIN

ROUND 4
1 Which Australian comedy actor shares his surname with the traditional home or dwelling of the Navajo people of the United States?
HOGAN
2 Which metric unit is equal to 0.0353 of an ounce?
GRAM
3 Who won his first Wimbledon men's singles title in 1988?
STEFAN EDBERG
4 A story about East German spies in Great Britain, Call for the Dead was the 1961 debut novel by which author?
JOHN LE Carré
5 Which German international media and TV awards are named after the titular fawn in a Felix Salten book?
BAMBI AWARDS
6 Invented in 1867 by Edward A Calahan, an employee of the American Telegraph Company, which type of type is named from the sound made by the machine as it printed?
TICKER TAPE
7 Tangled Up in Blue, If You See Her, Say Hello and You're a Big Girl Now are tracks on which 1975 Bob Dylan album?
BLOOD ON THE TRACKS
8 Audax and Randonneuring are long-distance forms of which Summer Olympic sport?
CYCLING

ROUND 5
1 A copy of the Mona Lisa, believed to have been painted at the same time as the original, went on display at which national art museum last month?
PRADO / MUSEO DEL PRADO - Rant begins: I saw it, it was, how shall I say it, "too sickly sweet", and ultimately, a bit bloody rubbish with its distracting eyebrows, but then I regard the original Mona with an overpowering nonchalance. But to see the crowds of people semi-donuting it, with the mob twelve-people deep, while TV camera crews scanned their, I swear, awed, eye-popped faces, was to witness a bunch of nincompoops pay homage to a newly buffed-up piece of extreme bullroar. I bet, when they found it lurking in storage, it looked like it had been covered in a layer of disfiguring cat poo. "Aha, we can make something of this", said the cunning Spaniard(s), whose supreme powers of cunning has led to global press coverage, of the like, er, whenever, something about Leonardo happens or is rehashed (see the Vasari-killing drilling for the Battle of Anghiari) All glory to the conservators to "restoring" something which might turn out to be utterly pointless. All hail the power of the Mona Lisa! Rant ends.
2 Named after a British scientist, based on his work in 1831, which law states that a magnetic field changing in time creates a proportional electromotive force?
FARADAY'S LAW OF INDUCTION
3 Named after a 16th century English financier, the more accurate statement of which law ends in the words "… if their exchange rate is set by law"?
GRESHAM'S LAW
4 With regards to the human body, the terms 'Vasoconstriction' and 'Vasodilation' refer to the narrowing and widening of what?
BLOOD VESSELS
5 The State Security Committee of the Republic of Belarus currently uses which three-letter Russian name?
KGB
6 What links the New York Observer, La Gazzetta dell Sport and the Financial Times?
PINK or SALMON-PINK PAGES
7 Isaac Newton served as an MP in two spells for which constituency?
CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY
8 The Polish-American Holocaust survivor Poldek Pfefferberg inspired Thomas Keneally to write which novel?
SCHINDLER'S ARK

ROUND 6
1 Played on film by Warren Beatty, who was "whacked" as he sat in Virginia Hill's Beverley Hills home on the night of June 20, 1947, while reading the Los Angeles Times?
"BUGSY" SIEGEL
2 Which 1940 John Cowper Powys novel is about the last native Welshman to hold the title Prince of Wales?
OWEN GLENDOWER
3 What is the most populous city of Romandy, Switzerland's French-speaking part?
GENEVA
4 The earliest sculpture in the Royal Collection, Guido Mazzoni's Laughing Child bust is a possible portrait of which future king as a 7-year-old boy?
HENRY VIII
5 In 2009, who won the first series of Let's Dance for Comic Relief, later Sport Relief?
ROBERT WEBB
6 In 1986, who defeated Frank Bruno by knockout in round 11 during the British boxer's challenge for the WBA heavyweight title?
TIM WITHERSPOON
7 Which French member of Les Six wrote the ballet Les biches and composed the operas The Breasts of Tiresias and The Dialogues of the Carmelites?
FRANCIS POULENC
8 Star of Dead Man's Shoes, which actor made his debut as a feature film director with the 2011 film Tyrannosaur?
PADDY CONSIDINE

ROUND 7
1 Which O'Hanlon's ale was first brewed in 1968 to mark the 40th anniversary of an eponymous writer's death?
THOMAS HARDY'S ALE
2 Which disorder of the intestine was known as flux or the bloody flux?
DYSENTRY
3 Which scientist co-hosts the Radio 4 show The Infinite Monkey Cage with the comedian Robin Ince?
BRIAN COX
4 Originating in Quebec and Acadia, what type of savoury dish is a Tourtiere?
MEAT PIE
5 Which Danish-born painter (1850-1921), whose work
Fetching The Mark fetched $281,000 at auction in 2006, is known as the 'Audubon of Steam Vessels'?
ANTONIO JACOBSEN
6 In the West Side Story song 'America', what is both the "island of tropical breezes" and "island of tropic diseases"?
PUERTO RICO
7 Spending most of his working life on Anglesey, the painter Charles Tunnicliffe specialised in which subjects?
BRITISH BIRDS / WILDLIFE / NATURE
8 Which Marvel Comics super villain, genius inventor and enemy of the Fantastic Four is ruler of the European country of Latveria?
DOCTOR DOOM / VICTOR VON DOOM

ROUND 8
1 Which actor has played the vampire hunter Blade in a film trilogy that spanned the years 1998 and 2004?
WESLEY SNIPES
2 In an episode of Fawlty Towers, the American guest Mr Hamilton confuses Basil by asking for which dish, also the title of the episode?
WALDORF SALAD
3 The Western Roman Empire officially ended with the abdication of which man, the last de facto Emperor, under pressure from Odoacer in 476?
ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
4 Originally a religious practice, which form of voice manipulation was called 'gastromancy' by the Greeks?
VENTRILOQUISM
5 Sharing its name with an African country, which Manhattan nightclub was famous during the 1930s and 1950s for its blue zebra stripe motif and its official photographer Jerome Zerbe?
EL MOROCCO
6 Which Nobel laureate originated the phrase "the world's oldest profession" in an 1888 story about a prostitute that begins "Lalun is a member of the most ancient profession in the world"?
RUDYARD KIPLING
7 The Indian and Pakistan sport of Kho kho, due to a popular misconception, is often confused with which other game?
KABADDI
8 Which pop star [CENSORED]?
LADY GA[NSORED]

NO SPARES. NO TIME. FIN.