Saturday, November 12, 2016

The Horror! (BUY MY QUIZ BOOK)


BUY MY QUIZ BOOK, The Moody Blues say GO NOW!!!

Haven't you heard? Every copy of The Times Quiz Book that goes unsold, a particularly cute sea otter will spontaneously explode in a pfft of viscera and fur. Imagine the spatter. All that blood and goo guts. Dripping. Splatting. Won't someone think of the sweet little sweet otters? As they backstroke into the oblivion of extinction ("Awww ... so schweeeeeet")?

Cannibal Holocaust. Braindead. Sam Peckinpah's Salad Days. Care Bears: The Giving Festival Movie. The Otter-pocalypse will unleash more gore than all of those spurty bloodbaths combined and multiplied by ... quintillion!

You can prevent this tragedy.

It is within your power.

Peace, love, smoochies are just a click away. An Amazon click.


About the Book 


Do you have the general knowledge to match double world quiz champion Olav Bjortomt? More than 200 challenging quizzes from the MindGames section of The Times to test your general knowledge to the limit. With over 4000 questions, set the pace as quiz master for your friends, colleagues and family, or pit yourself against Olav in a battle of wits.
Subject areas include Geography, Music, the Arts, Film, Literature, Sport, Politics, Science, History and Wildlife, with each quiz offering a final teaser picture question. Enough questions to scramble even an egghead’s brains.


And the otter-plosions will happen. With absolute certainty. If I believe it, it will be so. Even if the evidence doesn't bear this out. Evidence no doubt proffered by the "experts". Don't you know? We live in a post-expert era. Rank amateurism is the path forward. Deploying naive intuition pickled in our gut feelings and driven by our own personal notion of whatever the frack common sense is is how we get shit done. It's all about the feels. And reinforcing those feels with what we like hearing. Competing opinions and novel viewpoints can only slow us down and impede our journey to the glory that is a future that looks much like our past. A glorious past where everybody was happy, everyone was winning and no one was whining and we kicked major ass, beautifully! And that ass got kicked. So kicked, so kicked it went to sleep. But now it's waking up. Everywhere!

Shouldn't that ass be kicked again? Just because. Kicking ass is the cure for our ills.

We can all create our own reality; a beautiful reality - it will be great. The best! We're gonna have so much beautiful reality for ourselves. Bigly. And big league. Wishful thinking for all! Hurrah! That's what these increasingly "interesting times" have taught me. And if it doesn't happen, I can deny I ever made such a prognostication, even if I leave this statement right here. The audacity of such brazenness is very much en vogue. Thrilling subversion. The reckoning? What reckoning? We won't ignore the warning signs, even they've become actual events that happen to be smashing us over the head with a sledgehammer.

But of course, that's no gorram way to set, run or do a quiz. Quizzes must hold steadfast in the face of the Now. Take a stand. Hold fast. I'm Spartacus and so's my wife!

And buy a book to prove your allegiance to quiz, your loyalty to the tenets of verifiable questions. Pay homage to facts in quiz question form. Not facts delivered by the churning mouths of grey men on TV. Those facts suck major ballsack. Facts that are interchangeable with lies. Who can tell the difference? We can. We got the truth, so truthy, it's scorching a hole inside us, in our hearts, soul and brains, and no, that's not me having a stroke. Though there's a bit of a burning sensation on the underside of my nutbag. So once again, we return to balls.

Balls. Something stirreth. Yes. I am talking a load of balls. Who knows what I just said? I don't believe it. I forgot. I'm telling myself "Wrong". These words above me are obviously lies concocted by the MSM. A hacker got in there, somewhere, who knows how these things happen? Who knows how anything happens?

And yet, we can all put our faith in quiz questions. Particularly the ones below. If you need a fix right now...


But if you ask, who are you, what makes it better, all that shit. Well I say, I'm the Juggernaut ... I mean, the inaugural World and inaugural Olympic and triple European champion of quiz, BITCH!***

Kneel before SOB!

Booyakka-shah on top!

(If you want to make sure - remember! otters go kaboom! - buy my other quiz book from two years ago, which if you haven't bought already, well, a sentence was passed long ago and you don't even know it yet. As J.J. Hunsecker said: "You're dead son, get yourself buried")

*** And I've always thought: if Vinnie Jones can get a major part in a Hollywood movie (frickin' HOLLYWOOD!), can consort with the McKellen, the Picard and Hugh Sideburns and be allowed to say dialogue like THAT, then you and I and everyone we know can achieve anything. Anything. His casting in X-Men 3 - by Matthew Vaughn, stretched, broke and smashed the oh-so-human limits of possibility (Vaughn of all people: a man of supreme taste and judgement; a man who is married to Claudia Schiffer. That's Claudia Schiffer! And his marrying that German Aphrodite; another act that snapped the constraints of real-life credulity, when one considers the physical dimensions of such a couple). So when they tell you don't bother, don't even bother to dream, you say: "If Vinnie Jones can play Juggernaut in an X-Men film when his mate has upped and left to Kick-Ass and left you without the comfort of nepotism, but with a git like Brett Ratner, then surely I can one day walk on the red iron sands of Mars. Surely your next door neighbour can cure HIV and cancer in his shed, just because he's the biggest fan of both Casualty and The A-Team that you've ever met. So it goes."

BH166: My appeal to you and thee and ye and thou

1 Who sang the first line of Do They Know It's Christmas? in a) 1984 b) 1989 c) 2004 d) 2014?

2 Which Italian distiller (1764-1815), a native of Turin, invented Vermouth and consequently the aperitif? 

3 A bestseller in France, a graphic novel by sexologist Philippe Brenot and artist Laetitia Coryn tells which story From Apes to Robots

4 Who was the French composer (1791-1833) of the opera Zampa and the ballet La fille mal gardée or The Wayward Daughter?

5 Fabien is an airmail pilot of the Patagonia Mail in which 1931 work, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's second novel? 

6 Which Soviet naval officer (1904-74) achieved the rank of Admiral of the Fleet of the Soviet Union and served as People's Commissar of the Navy during WW2 - a Russian aircraft carrier, launched in 1985, was named in his honour? In 1941, he ordered the creation, near Leningrad, of a special forces company RON, the first Soviet underwater special force.

7 Australia's leading commercial dramatist, who wrote the plays Don's Party, The Removalists and The Club

8 Which term - chakameh in Turkish - is an ancient Arabic word and form of writing poetry (that typically runs from 15 to 80 lines, and sometimes more than a 100), often translated as ode, passed to other cultures after the Arab Muslim expansion? Notable examples include the ______ Burda ('Poem of the Mantle') by Imam al-Busiri and Ibn Arabi's collection The Interpreter of Desires.

9 Best known for her novel Marianne Dreams, which English writer's series about a wolf ineptly pursuing a young girl, began with Clever Polly and the Stupid Wolf

10 Mark Twain went broke, losing nearly $5m in today's money, on investing in a mechanical typesetting machine that would have revolutionized printing if it had worked. However, he remained friends with the inventor. His name?

11 Which pope authorized the 1456 inquisitorial court that examined Joan of Arc's trial and declared her innocent? 

12 Which Bishop of Reims and Apostle of the Franks baptised Clovis I, king of the Franks on December 25, 496? This baptism, leading to the conversion of the entire Frankish people to Catholic Christianity, was a momentous success for the Church and a seminal event in European history.

13 The title of which 1955 Norman Mailer novel (his second) refers to the Parc-aux-Cerfs, a resort Louis XV kept stocked with young women for his personal pleasure? 

14 Isaac Hayes and David Porter spontaneously came up with the title of which 1966 song - a hit for Sam & Dave - when Hayes was trying to get Porter to hurry out of the Stax Studios restroom and get back to work?

15 Which branch of classical mechanics describes the motion of points, bodies (objects) and systems of bodies without consideration of the masses of those objects nor the forces that may have caused the motion?

16 Which French actress plays a vengeful rape victim named Michele in the new Paul Verhoeven film Elle (based on the novel by Philippe Djian?

17 Inspiring Mr. Brocklehurst, the headmaster of Lowood School in Jane Eyre, which English churchman (1791-1859) founded the long-lived monthly The Children's Friend

18 Created by Stan Cross in 1920 as You & Me, which Australian comic strip was taken over by Jim Russell who ran it for world record 62 years? 

19 In which 1928 play by Nikolai Erdman does Semyon, a young, unemployed man fail at learning the tuba, forcing him to take drastic actions? 

20 Though convicted and hanged for only one murder, which killer nurse (1837-96), known as "The Reading Baby Farmer", may have murdered as many as 400 infants?

21 Opened to traffic in 1932, the French King Bridge crosses which river, the longest in New England, in Massachusetts? 

22 Which American tennis player, whose career high-ranking was 39 in 2003, was the first professional tennis player to appear in Playboy?

23 Known for a series of novels set in the fictional East European country of Graustark (capital city Edelweiss), who wrote the 1902 novel Brewster's Millions (that has been adapted many times, including the Richard Pryor version)? 

24 Which WW2 Japanese general, after whom US rules in regards to command responsibility for war crimes were named (the _______ Standard), was nicknamed "The Tiger of Malaya", and was hanged for war crimes pertaining to his soldiers' conduct in the Philippines? 

25 Who was a) the father of and b) the wife of Piast the Wheelwright, aka Piast Kolodziej, the semi-legendary 9th century Polish figure who founded the Piast dynasty that would rule the future Kingdom of Poland?


1 a) Paul Young b) Kylie c) Chris Martin d) One Direction2 Antonio Benedetto Carpano
3 The Story of Sex
4 Ferdinand Hérold 
5 Night Flight
6 Nikolay Kuznetsov - as in the ship Admiral Kuznetsov
7 David Williamson
8 Qasida or kaside
9 Catherine Storr (1913-2001), also used pen name Helen Lowrie
10 James Paige 
11 Callixtus III
12 Saint Remigius or St. Remy
13 The Deer Park 
14 Hold On, I'm Comin'
15 Kinematics
16 Isabelle Huppert
17 William Carus Wilson
18 The Potts
19 The Suicide
20 Amelia Dyer 
21 Connecticut River
22 Ashley Harkleroad
23 George Barr McCutcheon
24 Tomoyuki Yamashita
25 a) Choscisko b) Rzepka