Beyond Lightspeed

You see I have this mate Ben, who greets me with terms like "Hello Slag" and "Howdy Dumbcrap", quite naturally as it happens, as if Slaggy Dumbcrap was my real name, and he was talking about an Indian Mastermind contestant.

Being one of those people, who doesn't really listen to the person speaking on the other side of the phone because they are instead thinking up cutting bon mots and perverted subjects of conversation and outrageous flights of fancy, my ears perked up when he said he was working on something with someone - a publisher who works in Delhi and was described as being "very sharp" - who had scored the Indian Mastermind record.

The score? 43. 43. Yes, two more than Kevin Ashman's hallowed record. Quite astonishing. I'd like to see a vid of it but haven't found anything on the usual channels via my exhausting and thorough two-minute scans through YouTube and Google searches. Apparently, her final subject was female Nobel Laureates, which is actually quite interesting for once, rather than so geeky it makes you want to shake someone by the lapels, if they have lapels, and large ones at that, so violently that their eyes will jigger out of their sockets and their teeth shatter into thousands of dental crystal slithers.

Can anyone verify this? Nah? Fine. Oh wait. I could always ask Ben her name. Like DUH. Seems like I'm getting ready for the stupid: the stupid being my eighth Glasto or my ninth. I dunno. They all merge into one giant mudsplurge tinted with live music in the distance.