Sunday, September 24, 2006

Waiting in Vain

So I was waiting on the increasingly scummy red sofa. Eating a Toffee Crumble ice cream lolly. Waiting for this week's Millionaire repeat. It never came. I was disappointed. I was relieved. I was, in truth, a bit of both.

Sadly, the TV schedules in both The Times and The Guardian LIED. I hate liars. They deserve to burn. Instead of the 13.15 repeat of last Saturday's Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, we got The New Adventures of Superman and something aboout rising F1 punk Lewis Hamilton. The London region would not be privy to my phone-spoken words. This non-plussed me in the extreme. Would I ever know the truth? Was I, as one QLL-er commented on Tuesday "a bit quiet"? Did I sound like a gimp?

Therefore, unless I can be bothered to rustle up a DVD recording, I will be left with a few vague memories.

I truly feared that I would do a Jen, as in The IT Crowd episode, where she shagged a trivial fly. This raging paranoia grew in me until I felt sweaty and desperate. Thankfully, the question "What are the main ingredients in stargazy pie"? was straight forward. At least I thought so until AFTER I ended the call on my mobile. Then I thought, my goodness it could be cockroaches or donkey penises couldn't it?

They tell you to allow a certain number of rings and put on a certain kind of performance when you pick up THE call. I disobeyed these two fundamental precepts because a) The number was an actual London number unlike all the Withheld numbers I had been getting b) I therefore picked up the phone to tell whichever London acquaintance to sling their hook cos Chris Tarrant was due to call. Thankfully, I didn't tell the caller to shove off. Because it was Chris Tarrant. Who sounded like he was a pre-recorded message, like one of the Millionaire premium line questions he does. Which freaked me out somewhat (you telling me this is real?). I mean, it didn't sound like he was in a studio. He sounded like he was stuck in a hard drive.

We didn't do banter. I think I just said: "Fish" immediately after I heard the questions without the options, then droned on Dalek-style "It's fish, 100 per cent, fish. I'm 100 per cent certain it's fish". And that was it. Work done.

And that's all I've got to say about that. Sorry, about the lack of booming diction. My voice wasn't pitched right at birth.

(Thanks to James for the opportunity to help him out)

Colossus extension
Yes, sorry to set a deadline (September 26) and then extend it by a whole week, but you have to stay in a state of suspended animation, with regards to the results, because the more results the better. People have been attending to their business and busy-ness and real life and I'm all for that. Sometimes. So next Monday. Or Tuesday. Depends really.

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