The Faint Sound of Fatigue

FE:XXXVI
1 Which international organisation of 30 countries that accept the principles of representative democracy and free-market economy, originated in 1948 when it was led by Robert Marjolin of France, to help administer the Marshall Plan for the reconstruction of Europe after WW2 and has its HQ at the Château de la Muette in Paris?
2 Based on the play by Crane Wilbur, which 1925 silent horror comedy, directed by Roland West, starred Lon Chaney as Dr. Gustave Ziska and Johnny Arthur as aspiring detective Johnny Goodlittle?
3 A town in southern Poland with some 28,000 inhabitants, which ski resort, a place of Góral culture and informally called "the winter capital of Poland," lies in the southern part of the Podhale region at the foot of the Tatra Mountains, the only alpine mountain range in the Carpathian Mountains?
4 Produced by the Liggett & Myers Tobacco Company for many years until its sale to in 1999 (along with the L&M and Lark brands) to Philip Morris Companies Inc. (now known as the Altria Group), which cigarettes were promoted by future US president and brand spokesman Ronald Reagan in adverts where he could be seen addressing cartons of them as Christmas gifts for "all my friends"?
5 Esperanto is the language of instruction in one university, the Akademio Internacia de la Sciencoj. In which republic is the said university?
6 On January 23, 1719, Charles VI, Holy Roman Emperor, raised which country to the dignity of Fürstentum (principality) with the what name, in honour of "[his] true servant, Anton Florian of _____________ ?
7 Earning himself the nickname Queixada ("Jaw") due to his prominent jawbone, which Brazilian centre forward was the scorer of the first competitive goal at the Maracanã stadium and won the Golden Boot as top scorer at the 1950 World Cup?
8 An annual plant that has been used in China for 5,000 years as a food and a component of drugs, which species of legume has the scientific name Glycine max?
9 On February 21 of this year, the International Olympic Committee announced that which location had won the bid to host the inaugural 2010 Summer Youth Olympics? It beat Moscow in the final by 53 votes to 44.
10 Named after the Russian scientist and 1958 Nobel winner who was the first to characterise it rigorously, what type of electromagnetic radiation is emitted when a charged particle (such as a electron) passes through an insulator at a speed greater than the speed of light in that medium; the characteristic 'blue glow' of nuclear reactors is due to it?
11 Which composer, violinist, pianist, conductor and teacher, regarded as the preeminent Romanian musician of the 20th century and one of the greatest performers of his time, wrote the opera Œdipe, tragédie lyrique in four acts, with a libretto by Edmond Fleg, op. 23 (1910-1931), and Legende (1906), a solo work for trumpet and piano that reflects the impressionistic style of his teachers Jules Massenet and Gabriel Fauré?
12 Which sport originated in Morgedal, Norway, though the first proper competition was held in Trysil in 1862, and the first widely known competition was the Husebyrennene, held in Oslo from 1879?
13 Named from the Italian for 'youth', what was the official hymn of the Italian National Fascist Party, regime, and army, and the unofficial national anthem of Italy 1924-1943, and although often sung with the official national anthem Marcia Reale, some consider it to have supplanted 'the Royal March' as the de facto national anthem (Inno della Patria) of Italy to the dismay of Victor Emmanuel III — a powerful symbol of the diarchy between the then King and Mussolini? It was subsequently the official anthem of the Italian Social Republic.
14 Dubbed "Snobster" by critics, which exclusive invitation-only networking website with 300,000 members was founded by Erik Wachtmeister, a former investment banker and INSEAD graduate, and the son of a former Swedish ambassador to the USA, and includes supermodels such as Naomi Campbell, Marcus Schenkenberg and Ivanka Trump; singers and musicians such as James Blunt and Josh Groban; film directors Quentin Tarantino and Renny Harlin and Andrew Waller; Tiger Woods, and royalty such as Prince Emanuele Filiberto Di Savoia and Prince Felix of Luxembourg?
15a)Named for the light crimson hue of its exposed granite surface and the third largest Egyptian pyramid after those of Khufu and Khafre at Giza, the Red Pyramid was, at the time of its completion, the world's tallest man-made structure and is also believed to be the world's first successful attempt at constructing a 'true' smooth-sided pyramid. It is the largest of the three major pyramids at which royal necropolis, located on the west bank of the Nile c.40km south of Cairo?
15b)The Bent Pyramid and the Red Pyramid were constructed during the reign of which pharaoh, the founder of the Fourth dynasty of Egypt who reigned from c.2613 BC to 2589 BC and was father of Khufu of the Old Kingdom?

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Answers to FE:XXXVI
1 Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD), originally the Organisation for European Economic Co-operation (OEEC) 2 The Monster 3 Zakopane 4 Chesterfield 5 (The Most Serene Republic of) San Marino 6 Liechtenstein 7 Ademir or Ademir Marques de Menezes 8 Soybean or soya bean 9 Singapore 10 Čerenkov radiation (also spelled Cerenkov or Cherenkov), as in Pavel Alekseyevich Čerenkov 11 George Enescu 12 Ski jumping 13 Giovinezza 14 aSmallWorld (often abbreviated ASW) 15a) Dahshur or Dashur Necropolis 15b) Snofru or Sneferu, also spelled as Snefru and in Greek known as Soris

Blimey That Was a Bit Ranty

Time to Calm Down

Well I went and did it. I got a quiz question containing the hallowed names 'Kim Gordon' and 'Thurston Moore', which yielded the inevitable answer Sonic Youth, into the paper today. Maybe I should have done it a few years ago. If I had I might have progressed to the point where I could feel confident enough to submit entire quintets devoted to Krautrock, Melodic Death Metal and Slowcore. The readers would absolutely love it!

But then again, nowadays even Godspeed You! Black Emperor can get a namecheck in the Judd Apatow-produced stoner-comedy-action film Pineapple Express, albeit one that used to mock the pretensions of American college students. The film in question is surprising to say the least. The three words I would use to describe it are 'weird', 'violent' and 'charming.'

FE:XXXV
1 Which Scottish poet wrote the epic 13000-line poem The Brus (1374-5, printed 1571)?
2 What religious title means 'sign of god' in Arabic?
3 Gudrun Ensslin was a founding member of which left-wing guerilla group?
4 Located in the Bahamas, what are the world's longest and deepest submarine caves?
5 Oil drilling is only allowed in the Beaufort Sea in winter months because it is a breeding ground for which whale, the staple diet of the local Inuit population?

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Answers to BH:XXXV
1 John Barbour 2 Ayatollah 3 Red Army Faction or Baader Meinhof gang 4 Blue Holes of Andros 5 Bowhead Whale

Lawson Attacks! Meowwwwwoof!

He Doesn't Like Wogan's Perfect Recall One Bit

Mark Lawson is the preeminent culture critic working on our sceptered and soggy isle, thanks to his domination of print, TV and the wireless with his preternaturally measured and insightful opinions on the whole goddamn arts spectrum; his 'TV matters' Guardian column being a delightful case in point. Usually that is.

But today's vicious tirade against Wogan's Perfect Recall not only misses the mark by a good few miles, but seems utterly bootless. His overriding problem is the reason why the show got probably commissioned in the first place: its format (well, that and a dash or two of the Togmeister's classic charm and marquee reputation). The format being that the same 20 answers are required in each of the four rounds, only the questions change. Thus, you get four questions in the same show that require the answer 'pig' or '1973'.

It seems that Lawson can't get his head round the fact that actually playing the game in the studio might be a bit harder than mouthing the answers at home and screams bloody murder in a passive-aggressive manner when he writes that this is "the first TV quiz show in which knowledge is optional". Hmmm, let me think about that one because it is a load of billy bullshine. The problem is that they have to display this thing called 'knowledge' in the first round to get the answers on the board and ensure their passage into the next round.

Due to his quite astonishing intellectual capabilities he describes the questions as "simple", but in yesterday's episode I saw one poor girl, a university student no less, get eliminated without answering a single quesition from the possible 20. It wasn't "simple" for her was it? Or, perhaps she took the no knowledge option and thought sod this for a game of soldiers and I'm outta here.

If you think about it every question asked, except for the last in each round, is a multiple choice question decreasing in choices from 20 to ... you know where I'm going. Except they have to remember all of them. Only they don't have to because it would be much easier to just use the knowledge that is knocking around in their heads, which is what most contestants do anyway.

He seems to overestimate the contestants' memory skills, thinking that once the answers in the first round have been given, it is an incredibly simple matter of remembering them the 20 answers and then slotting them in at the right places. Wrong. This isn't the Generation Game conveyor belt. People still have to connect them up with the questions. And though most of them are straightfoward, some are tricky enough in the later rounds to evince no answers at all, despite the glaring opportunities for guessing.

Lawson picks out the year and number answers as proof of how silly the concept is; targets as soft as melted marshmallow. Granted, these are the easiest ones to remember, but no more than four are asked every show. The other answers, many of which are generic nouns and names and have been deliberately chosen to sometimes confuse due to their smiliarity to each other, are a sight more difficult to conjure up in the few seconds allowed.

The massive grid stuck at the top of the screen is the real bugbear here. Viewers and dear old Mark can see it arrayed with the 20 options throughout the show, as well as see them disappear when a question has been answered correctly. It makes it so much more easier for them, him and I. However, the contestants can't see jack, which makes a hell of a difference, especially since they clearly aren't massive quiz nerds or memory masters. They are the kind of people who go for the likes of In It To Win It and most of the ongoing Saturday night Lotto gameshows, shows that are played at a relative snail's pace and often without the small matter of other contestants breathing down their necks and trying to buzz in before they do. They are Everyday People, as Arrested Development would say.

The fact of the matter is that if the King of Breakfast Radio was not presenting it, there wouldn't be a TV Matters piece tearing it to itty bitty shreds. Otherwise, it would be just another quiz show with a relatively non-descript host treading water in the harmless shallows of the televisual afternoon. But bring in a broadcasting legend and plug it relentessly in ad breaks, and a critical licence to crush it into a messy pulp is granted to all and sundry. If Lawson had also given his comparative opinion on every other current, forthcoming or recently departed quiz show (yes, Battle of the Brains, of course, of course, though I would have feared for Paddy's chances in face of the inevitably cruel invective), just like me, natch, I could at least try to begin to understand where exactly he was coming from, and possibly prostrate myself in homage to his omniscient knowledge of the British television quiz scene.

Expectations of the toppermost quiz elite - ooh look I'm all elitist like Barack - were never going to be as gravely damaged as Lawson's. We know how the system works and what sort of quiz shows - populist, nice ratings-grabbers that won't alienate the only demographics that matter - that TV companies want to put out. None of us (next I'll be adopting the royal-divine 'WE') have been let anywhere near it, but then again I don't even know anyone who even bothered to audition.

We have, to all intents and purposes, recognised that we're just not what they're looking for, and that's fine and dandy and they have every right to because after all, they are producing shows that cast and audition the protagonists, like actors expected to play their part to the best of their abilities, in order to best entertain the only folks that matter - the Great British Public. The likes of us (poor us! he cries with startling emotion) inhabit and scour a different world where quizzical satisfaction is derived from autodidacticism and besting or, preferably, in a fantasy realm of our own making, brutally beating our rivals in competitions with names like 'European' and 'World' attached to them.

And we sure as hell realised that Perfect Recall isn't Mastermind or University Challenge (which is probably Lawson's quiz show ideal, as it is with so many knowledge gourmands, but something that few programmes attempt to aspire to since that highbrow niche is, as they see it, very much taken ... though I wish the occasional production company would take a chance and let UC alumni and older and immensely talented quizzers go mano e mano in some sort of ultra-team series, though watch out for Only Connect, coming soon on BBC4). See it all before don't ya know

You have to accept it's daytime light entertainment that sets an amiable tone - funny anecdotes, gentle ribbing - and serves as a peppy television vehicle for Wogan that lets viewers enjoy the odd laugh (while I wonder if that is 20-year-old canned laughter constantly making its cacophonous way around my room), and allowing them to watch the players squirm and splutter as they attempt to unleash their hitherto hidden psychic powers. And, maybe answer some quiz questions too.

Many shows like it have come before and many will surely follow. Ripping into it and talking of embarrassment so acute it has induced "blushes that TV could have sunk to a quiz show this dumb" makes me think, ferchrissakes, that Lawson thought it made Blankety Blank look like Nobel Prize winners locked in fervent battle over the Millennium Maths Problems in comparison. With those finishing words you would have thought this was the most idiotic quiz programme in history. Which it is most certainly not. Abominations are ten a penny in this particular niche of televisionland. I have two words for you: NAKED ELVIS

Exploring his nascent 'Decline of the Quiz Show' thesis further, Lawson sounds out the allegation that "quiz shows have been simplified". Which ones? Or do the allegators think they are all the same? Personally, I think he thinks that the whole stinking lot of them have been dumbed down and are now wrestling in the effluence of their own stupidity.

The real problem, which he does not touch upon, is that they are becoming more and more complicated in search of the Next Big Quiz Thing. The dumbing down charge is a moot point: there will always be a mixture of the 'Difficult', 'Easy' and 'So downright insulting to my intelligence I want to throw a brick at my TV screen' quiz shows.

Every television company longs for a long-running cash cow like The Weakest Link. They would drown a sack full of the cutest kittens in the world if only they could have a 17-year run with a quiz show of their own design, just like FTO. So the vast majority of new quiz shows from the past few years have become increasingly handicapped by complex formats and inexplicable gimmicks introduced by people who think their amazing once-in-a-lifetime (or once-in-a-fag-break) idea will see them ruling late afternoon BBC2 for evermore, whilst shoving the main reason why people watch them - the questions! the questions! then the white heat of quasi-intellectual battle! - into a dark, secluded corner; the result being that very few newbies have survived beyond one series, which inevitably and depressingly gives them the chance to come up with another pile of steaming dog poo. Truth be told, they don't learn a bloody thing from all the failures that litter past television schedules, like queues of torched tanks on Georgian roads.

Real quiz show fans want the simplicity epitomised by Fifteen-to-One (Where are you when we need you! Save us. Save our weekday afternoons once more and for all eternity!), Mastermind (simple: specialist subject-general knowledge)and University Challenge (simple: starter-bonuses-starter-bonuses). Despite going on for decades and being cancelled by some crapheaded-donkey bollock who probably thought that some new programme would do much better than that old decrepit shit, the basic premise of MM and UC stayed so evergreen and excellent that they were resurrected and, especially in the case of the latter, get brilliant viewing figures for the supposedly throwaway genre that is quiz. And you know what? People take part in those shows for the love of the quiz. No cash incentive. Nada dinero. And maybe some sort of glassy or metally trophy at the end, if they're very, very good. Even Eggheads has built up a large, loyal viewership over the past five years and run for a darn sight longer than the vast majority of shows that have gone to quiz show hell. Its nice, simple format has done it a lot of favours.

But do commissioning editors want to stick on a quiz show that doesn't look down on its audience and concentrates on packing in good questions and challenging the best there is to duke it out with each other, or do they want to make a brand new gleaming shiney toy of a new programme that will bamboozle the whole damn world with loads of irrelevant twists, widgets, gadgets and novelty rounds and filthy cash prizes spraying everywhere, whilst telling the finest quizzers in the land to shove off? Sadly, they nearly always go for the latter because the former is so unfashionable.

People remember great quiz performances, they really do, because when quizzing is hard-fought, competitive and brimming with intelligence and interesting questions, it doesn't matter if there is a pot of gold when the show finishes. The audience don't get their entertainment from watching someone get handed a pile of cash; an assumption made by TV execs that is so blatantly stupid I can't even bring myself to create another outrageous and possibly insane metaphor, not forgetting that they don't actually have to give away that much money to get audiences watching(but do anyway). The audience gets it from the thrill of the game and the chance to play along at home, where they can prove they are the best in the whole ruddy world from the comfort of their armchair, as all quiz show fanatics do.

And, in light of what I've just written, ye gods, I went off on a tangent in the last third, looking beyond the format of Perfect Recall, it keeps everything relatively simple: each buzzer round eliminates one contestant and the last one standing goes for the endgame. It may not be perfect (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) but it does not deserve the merciless kicking it got from Mr "Oooh look at me, widdling on my show Newsnight Review in my, ahhhh, sinister and slightly unctuous voice about some, ahhhh, lah-dee-dah Divisionists exhibition and, ahhhh, the new woodley-doodley Man On Wire docudrama" Lawson.

PS: I may have mildly vested interests in defending the show, which I may reveal in due course, but these views are forthright and honest. Disclaimer over.

PPS I tried not to use the phrase 'quiz show' so many times. God, it even annoyed the heck out of me, but it was inavoidable. Especially since I refused to lower my teetering standards and write 'g-g-g ... wait ... gggaaa ... ok ... gameshow'. I hate gameshows.

Scraps

Work Overwhelming

I'm setting another big quiz (which is disintegrating my brain as per usual), therefore I've decided ever so graciously to stick some of the leftovers here. Aren't I kind?

FE:XXXIV
1 The French socialist politician Jean Jaures founded which newspaper in 1904, and edited it until he was murdered in 1914?
2 Originating on St Kilda in the Outer Hebrides, which breed of sheep (Ovis aries) has a chocolate brown for its most common colour?
3 Which Russian novelist and poet wrote an 1832 poem in which he claimed "No, I'm not Byron, it's my role/To be an undiscovered wonder,/Like him, a persecuted wand'rer/But furnished with a Russian soul."?
4 In his 1814 poem Ode to Napoleon Bonaparte whom did Byron call "The Cincinnatus of the West"?
5 Which American economist wrote the 1942 work Capitalism, Socialism and Democracy?
6 At which resort, whose name means 'place of reeds' in Nahuatl, would you climb to the top of a cliff, bless yourself at the shrine of Virgen de Guadaloupe and jump (or dive) into the sea?
7 Which French philosopher coined the term 'L'elan vital' (The vital spirit) in his 1907 work L'Evolution creatice?
8 Which Australian swimmer broke Alain Bernard's 50m freestyle world record (he also holds the 100m record)?
9 Who is the first black governor of New York and the first legally blind governor of any state?
10 After Novosibirsk, what is the biggest city in Siberia?
11 Who married his cousin Princess Yashodhara when they were both aged 16?
12 The Flavr Savr was the first commercially grown genetically engineered food to be granted a license for human consumption. What type of fruit was it?
13 Also known for such operas as Harakiri(1973) and Three Sisters (1996–97) and the chamber opera Radames(1975/97), which Hungarian composer and conductor's Love and Other Demons was premiered on 10 August 2008 at Glyndebourne Festival?
14 Which Italian city will host its annual Eurochocolate fair from October 18 to the 26?
15 The novelists Yvonne Vera and Tsitsi Dangarembga come from which country?

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Answers to FE:XXXIV
1 L'Humanite 2 Soay sheep 3 Mikhail Lermontov 4 George Washington 5 J.A. Schumpeter 6 Acapulco 7 Henri Bergson 8 Eamon Sullivan 9 David Paterson 10 Omsk 11 Buddha 12 Tomato 13 Peter Eötvös 14 Perugia 15 Zimbabwe

Strange Day

Um, er, nothing

100,000 hits will be reached and passed by the time this goes up (it's about 15 away at the moment). I would have held a massive celebratory party, yeah like the one in The Shining!, but the landmark just passed me by. Oh well. Another ten years and we can have a big shindig wangdoodle for 500,000. Yes, a mere decade. Hooray for the distant yet onrushing future. Unless the Mayans are right and the world ends in December 2012. Boo to the Mayans. Party poopers.

(I wonder how many thousand I contributed personally.)

FE:XXXIII
1 Which French academic painter (1825-1905), a staunch traditionalist whose realistic genre paintings and mythological themes were modern interpretations of classical subjects with a heavy emphasis on the female body, won the Prix de Rome in 1850 with his Zenobia Found by Shepherds on the Banks of the Araxes and produced 825 other paintings in his career, among them The Birth of Venus (1879) and The Bohemian (1890)?
2 Which Japanese company, using the current slogan 'At your side', began in 1908 when the Yasui Sewing Machine Co. was established in Nagoya and produces a wide variety of products including sewing machines, large machine tools, typewriters, fax machines, printers and other computer-related electronics?
3 Which secret document, written in 1854 by U.S. diplomats at an eponymous location in Belgium, described a plan to acquire Cuba from Spain and greatly damaged the credibilty of the then serving president Franklin Pierce?
4 The author of 1874's Éléments d'économie politique pure, ou théorie de la richesse sociale/Elements of Pure Economics, or the theory of social wealth, which French mathematical economist (1834-1910), associated with the creation of the general equilibrium theory, was considered by Joseph Schumpeter as "the greatest of all economists" and gave his name to an eponymous law asserting that when considering any particular market, if all other markets in an economy are in equilibrium, then that specific market must also be in equilibrium?
5 The daughter of Birger Persson of the family of Finsta, governor and lawspeaker of Uppland, and one of the richest landowners of the country, and his wife, a member of the so-called Lawspeaker branch of the Folkunga family, which woman is considered by many to be the most celebrated of all saints of Sweden and founded an eponymous order of Augustinian canonesses in c.1350?

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Answers to FE:XXXIII
1 William-Adolphe Bouguereau 2 Brother Industries 3 Ostend Manifesto 4 Marie-Esprit-Léon Walras or Léon Walras 5 Saint Birgitta or Saint Bridget(the order being the Bridgettines)

Excuse Me

But I think I will forego writing much on the internets today on account of typing up 10,000 words I couldn't transfer by techonological means from my other laptop, which is geriatric and useless and I hate it and want to drop-kick the cracked bugger into the sea. I need to rest my brain. It needs a relaxing spa.

FE:XXXII
1 Considered the first of the "Big Five" Chinese automobile manufacturers along with Dongfeng Motor Corporation, Shanghai Automotive Industry Corporation, Chang'an Motors, and Chery Automobile, which company was established in 1953 with ranges such as Jiaxing mini MPVs, Xiali saloon cars and Hongqi luxury cars?
2 The name of which dog comes from a German word that is short for "splashing dog"?
3 Founded in May 1975, which motion picture visual effects company originated in Van Nuys, California, later moved to San Rafael, California, and is now based at the Letterman Digital Arts Center in The Presidio of San Francisco, California?
4 The third to be discovered and one of the largest main belt asteroids, being the second heaviest of the stony S-type, which asteroid was discovered on September 1, 1804 by German astronomer Karl L. Harding?
5 Named from the Quechua for 'cut stew meat', which popular, inexpensive dishes in Andean states consist of small pieces of grilled skewered meat and can be readily found on street food stalls and carts?

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Answers to FE:XXXII
1 FAW Group or First Automobile Works 2 Poodle 3 Industrial Light & Magic 4 Juno 5 Anticuchos

Butchery

Stop It Now

You know I don't mind foreign-folk and immigents squishing our lovely, mighty language into naive and ugly shapes; it's when people like Lewis Hamilton and Ray Stubbs, among many other British-born ninnies, start sticking in that yeuchy phrase "for sure" into sentences that I start to despair. Why can't they say "certainly", or a subtly deployed "of course"? Or is using that adverb completely beyond them? Have they listened to too many sports interviews with people (I'm looking at you Sven GE ... grrr) who don't have English for their first language and decided let's join in this vocabolical wackness? Ugh. Don't. Speak proper, with the right words, like, that sound pretty to my lugholes. Like. And what's up with the "at the end of the day" proliferation? It's frickin' everywhere: like a storm of locusts devouring airtime like it was an African maize field. What a meaningless stupid, idiotic phrase. What's the matter with a graceful, poised "When all is done and said"? "At the end of the day" "At the end of the day" "At the end of the day" ... on and on at the Olympics, with every bloody sportsperson talking in bollocky platitudes about how much they've tried that drive me hot nuts. At the end of the day? What day? Today day? A metaphorical day? Saviour's Day? Darren Bloody Day? Oh no, don't you start too ... I will put a hex on you if you do, I swear on my sacred ancestors' (imaginary) tomb.

FE:XXXI
1 The last of the Chapman Baronets of Killua Castle in Ireland, the Anglo-Irish landowner and, 7th Baronet of Westmeath, Sir Thomas Robert Tighe Chapman was the father of which WW1 hero?
2 Which filmmaker wrote and directed the 1934 Chinese silent film The Goddess/Shénnǚ, the tale of a nameless Shanghai prostitute played by Ruan Lingyu in one of her final roles?
3 Which province in Pakistan is the largest in the country by geographical area and has Quetta for its capital and largest city?
4 Originating in Georgia as an element of traditional clothing of the most states of the Caucasus and parts of Ukraine and Russia, what is a 'Papakhi'?
5 Composed by Harris Weston and Bert Lee, which 1938 song has the opening lines: "There came a girl from France/Who didn't know how to dance"?

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Answers to FE:XXXI
1 TE Lawrence 2 Wu Yonggang 3 Balochistan 4 Wool hat (with a circular shape) 5 Knees Up Mother Brown

My Very Very Bad

I didn't mean to come off as heartless yesterday, but if Des was ill during the recording of SMM, I hope he really is fighting fit whatever he does next on the telly (if it is a second series of the said show, so much the better). Sometimes I wonder whether my crude yet somehow florid barbs come across as cheap shots, typical of the majority of people, i.e. complete and utter morons, who comment on newspaper internet blogs. Unlike them, I constantly feel pangs of remorse.

FE:XXX
1 Which theory was first published in The Journal of the Proceedings of the Linnean Society of London on August 20, 1858?
2 Which Italian poet, a leading representative of the experimental trend known as ermetismo, took an irredentist position during WWI and debuted as a poet while fighting in the trenches, publishing one of his best-known pieces, L'allegria/The Joy?
3 The father of a gold medal-winner at the current games, which former Soviet gymnast was the gold medallist on the horizontal bar and shared the gold medal in the team competition at the 1988 Olympics, and was also the first man to do a triple back flip on floor and both a layout reverse Hecht and a Jaeger with full twist on high bar?
4 The primary figure in most Guaraní creation legends is which supreme god of all creation, who with the help of the moon goddess Arasy, descended upon the Earth in a location specified as a hill in the region of Aregúa, Paraguay, and from there created all that is found upon the face of the earth?
5 A member of the Mbochi tribe, the general Denis Sassou Nguesso was president of which country from 1979 to 1992 and again from 1997 to date?
6 Which Toronto Maple Leafs owner, who gave his name to an MVP trophy introduced in 1965, famously observed that "If you can't beat 'em in the alley you can't beat 'em on the ice"?
7 Which King of England assumed the crown under the regency of the popular William Marshal?
8 Which Normandy town gives its name to a needle lace, sometimes called the "Queen of lace", where the local industry was promoted by Louis XIV's minister Jean-Baptiste Colbert, who established a Royal Lace Workshop there to produce a product influence by the Venetian style?
9 A colonel of the West Suffolk Militia who was appointed equerry to the Duke of York in 1787, which English caricaturist's work is as famous as those of his contemporaries Thomas Rowlandson and James Gillray, good examples being his Country Club (1788), Barber's Shop (1803) and A Long Story(1782)?
10 The foremost member of the Parma school of the Italian Renaissance, who painted the illusionistic Vision of St. John on Patmos (1520-21) for the dome of the church of San Giovanni Evangelista, and three years later decorated the dome of the Cathedral of Parma with a startling Assumption of the Virgin?
11 Run by NASA and Jet Propulsion Laboratory, what program is abbreviated NEAT?
12 Which 1943 play by Jean-Paul Sartre recounts the story of Orestes and his sister Electra in their quest to avenge the death of their father Agamemnon?
13 What name is given to the annual best-of-three series of rugby league matches between the Maroons, representing the state of Queensland, and the Blues, representing the state of New South Wales?
14 The world's first animated feature films - the first of which was El Apóstol/The Apostle - were made and released in which country by cartoonist Quirino Cristiani, in 1917 and 1918?
15 The earliest mention of which people of the Caucasus, who are the predominant group of Dagestan, in European history at their current location is from Priscus who declares that in 463 AD a mixed Saragur, Urog and Unogur embassy asked Byzantium for an alliance having been dislodged by Sabirs in 461 due to the people in question's drive towards the west?

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Answers to FE:XXX
1 Theory of evolution 2 Giuseppe Ungaretti 3 Valeri Liukin (father of Nastia Liukin, the US gymnast) 4 Tupã 5 Republic of the Congo 6 Conn Smythe 7 Henry III 8 Alençon, as in Alençon lace or point d'Alençon 9 Henry Bunbury 10 Antonio Allegri da Correggio 11 Near Earth Asteroid Tracking 12 Les Mouches/The Flies 13 State of Origin 14 Argentina 15 Caucasian Avars or Avars

Nothing to Say ...

... about BOTB Today Or Ever Again

No, really. The more I think about it, the more hilarious it all is. But then that's just me. The old formula 'steaming outrage + time = hearty belly laughs' is one I adhere to.

Congrats to Chris Bell on winning Sports Mastermind. No, not that one. It was impressive stuff. He shares his fascination with Geoff Boycott with novelist David Peace (of That Damned Utd fame), who is due to give him the Brian Clough treatment sometime in the future. Must be a sign of good character or odd, inexplicable obsession.

I'm still a bit worried about Des though. The spark and vitality I remember of all those World Cup campaigns gone seems to have been completely siphoned awat, only to leave a strange, stilted shell. He sometimes sounded as if he had been drugged or been replaced by one of the pod people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers (Donald Sutherland version). But as Sequin commented, he seems to have improved, if only slightly, in the filming interim.

Right. Fifteen today. Cos I feel like it. And I'm sure you don't mind.

FE:XXIX
1 The capital of the municipality of Libertador and the namesake state, which popular tourist city of Venezuela is home of the prestigious University of the Andes, and the location of the highest and second longest aerial tramway in the world, and has Pico Bolivar - the country's highest peak - forming its backdrop?
2 'The Good Son' was the name given to the first episode of which sitcom that premiered in 1993?
3 What is the largest city in the province of New Brunswick, and the oldest incorporated city in Canada?
4 Which Newcastle-born author has published such books as Fullalove (1995), The North Of England Home Service (2003), Born Yesterday: The News As A Novel (2008) as well as the non-fiction works Happy Like Murderers: The Story Of Fred And Rosemary West (1998) and Best And Edwards: Football, Fame And Oblivion (2006)?
5 Which Austrian-born weightlifer, who received German citizenship in 2007, won the gold medal in the 105kg category at this year's Summer Olympics, with a total of 461kg, lifting 203 kg in the snatch, and 258kg in the clean and jerk?
6 The Macocha Gorge or Propast Macocha (literally 'the Stepmother Gorge'), and also known as the Macocha Abyss, is found in which country?
7 Shaffer Chimere Smith is the real name of which American R&B and pop musician, who has released the albums In My Own Words, Because of You and Year of the Gentleman?
8 Known by the symbol χ, what chemical property describes the ability of an atom (or, more rarely, a functional group) to attract electrons (or electron density) towards itself in a covalent bond was first proposed by Linus Pauling in 1932 as a development of valence bond theory?
9 Which 'Elegy', considered one of Goethe's finest and most personal, reflects the devastating sadness the poet felt when Ulrike von Levetzow declined his proposal (Goethe did not propose to her personally, but via a friend, Carl August, Grand Duke of Saxe-Weimar-Eisenach)? He started writing it on September 5, 1823 in a coach which carried him from Cheb to Weimar and by his arrival on September 12, it was finished.
10 Named after a tree (Cyathea dealbata) endemic to the country, what is New Zealand's national netball team called?
11 William Wyler won his first Best Director Oscar for which 1942 film?
12 A well-known writer on the subject of immigrant life in France, which Senegalese author is probably best known for her 2001 novel The Belly of the Atlantic/Le Ventre de l'Atlantique?
13 Native to northwestern Mexico in the states of Baja California, Baja California Sur and Sonora, Pachycereus pringlei (Cardón) is the tallest species of which plant in the world?
14 Which cave, near Vallon-Pont-d'Arc, in the Ardèche département, in southern France, became famous in 1994 after three speleologists found that its walls were richly decorated with Paleolithic artwork, that it contained the fossilized remains of many animals, including those that are now extinct, and that the floor preserved the footprints of animals and humans?
15 Developed by the Italian statistician Corrado Gini and published in his 1912 paper 'Variability and Mutability', the Gini coefficient is a measure of statistical dispersion most prominently used as a measure of what?

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Answers to FE:XXIX
1 Merida or Santiago de los Caballeros de Mérida 2 Frasier 3 Saint John 4 Gordon Burn 5 Matthias Steiner 6 Czech Republic 7 Ne-Yo 8 Electronegativity 9 Marienbad Elegy 10 Silver Ferns 11 Mrs. Miniver 12 Fatou Diome 13 Cactus 14 Grotte Chauvet or Chauvet Cave 15 Income inequality or the inequality of wealth distribution

Unbelievable

And not the EMF kind either

Watching the money round of tonight's scintillating episode of Battle of the Brains my reaction was naturally, a colossal booming WTF!!! The change in question 'intensity' was so brazen I almost laughed like a maniac. Compare and contrast to the last Ant Hill Mob match for educational purposes. Any run-of-the-mill pub quizzer could see the difference, as glaring as a bright neon sign shouting JESUS CHRIST! THIS IS TAKING THE ABSOLUTE PISS! planted in the middle of the studio floor.

The show was recorded four episodes after the last money win (Di's Diamonds in the first ever episode; their batch was recorded after ours and then broadcast first), though you might have thought it was seven or thereabouts. Obviously, they thought a £2000 win was needed - otherwise it might have looked, hurr hurr, suspicious - and it just goes to show that they could have given the money away every show if they wanted, but chose not to. I'll let you speculate why. However, if a television quiz is going to have a degree of difficulty then it must keep it consistent in every show. Even Eggheads does it, no matter the wild accusations concerning levity that people aim at it. Botb, instead, is whimsical to the point of incredulity. Just because it wanted to and possibly because it had no idea what it was doing. Honestly, what's the point in having the money carrot dangling before the contestants when it doesn't actually exist 90 per cent of the quiz show's run?

But the outrage is doubled when I think about the most successful team - the Clayheads (at least in terms of total rounds won) coming away with nothing because the production team didn't feel like giving them a fair shake, i.e. give them questions on the JJB Stadium, 'Order' and etc grrr etc. It's all so unfair! Call the UN Security Council! Alert the International Criminal Court! Surely they will do something about this grievous injustice!

FE:XXVIII
1 Which Russian long distance swimmer is the reigning women's 5km and 10km Open Water world champion?
2 Stilson Hutchins founded which world-famous newspaper in 1877?
3 Which Hungarian literary figure wrote Embers/A gyertyák csonkig égnek (1942), the Hungarian title meaning 'The Candles Burn Up to the Stump', a book that expresses a nostalgia for the bygone multi-ethnic, multicultural society of the Austro-Hungarian Empire and was adapted for the London stage by Christopher Hampton in 2006?
4 Which president, who took power in 1967 and died in 2005, is the longest serving leader in African history?
5 Von Willebrand disease (vWD) is the most common hereditary abnormality of what type to be described in humans?

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Answers to FE:XXVIII
1 Larisa Ilchenko 2 Washington Post 3 Sandor Marai 4 Gnassingbé Eyadéma (of Togo) 5 Coagulation

Still Squiffy

And that's the end of that ... or is it?

It probably is. I was just saying that because I think every one of my secondary headlines need a nonsensical cliffhanger from now on. I mean, it sure works with the turgid, sullen mass that constitutes British TV drama and soap opera. Why don't they ever do them on quiz shows? Tune in next week for the last five minutes of today's exciting show. It would be so very brilliantly infuriating.

So out we went. Not much to say about it. Apart from the fact that it was recorded early in the morning and I wanted to go home once we realised we had about as much chance of winning money as the UK has of getting a Graeco-Roman wrestling gold medal. AT THESE OLYMPICS! Such wit ... apologies ... see the orange headline at the top of this post.

Aside from the fact that cutting correctly answered questions from the broadcast makes quite a few decent players look like monosyllabic dumb-asses, there were a few sparkling exchanges cut from today's broadcast. Though, perhaps, I'm glad they chopped the bit where Paddy accused me of being a "metrosexual" - that's METRO by the way - because I apparently was the only team member who could tolerate watching Sex and the City (it was the continual use of Mogwai is my defence, as of about two minutes ago) and I shot back that he was about three years out of date there. On the cutting floor it went, and probably for the best.

Things I wish I'd done this summer #1: Seen Santogold at The Park stage at Glasto. If only I had known: another regretful reason to hit slap myself round the face with the metally bit of my belt. Love those dancers.

FE:XXVII
1 What stage name did the Australian-born musician Michael Peter Balzary adopt?
2 Which self-taught American sculptor (d.2006) was known for his large, colourful creations of dinosaurs made from discarded car parts and other junk, as seen in his eponymous travelling exhibition '___ ____'s Twentieth Century Dinosaurs', though he also produced both monumental and fine art, such as the life-sized Universal Woman?
3 Established in 2002, which NFL team play at the Reliant Stadium?
4 Which Bulgar ruler is credited with establishing the confederation of Old Great Bulgaria in 632, doing so by defeating the Avars and uniting all the Bulgar tribes under one rule?
5 What Vietnamese national costume primarily for women, in its current form a tight-fitting silk dress worn over pantaloons, originally derived the first part of its name from a Middle Chinese word meaning "padded coat", and which, in modern Vietnamese, refers to an item of clothing that covers from the neck down and a word meaning "long"?


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Answers to FE:XXVII
1 Flea (out of Red Hot Chili Peppers) 2 Jim Gary 3 Houston Texans 4 Kubrat or Kurt 5 Aodai or ao dai

Yukety yuk

Gah. Gah

Been ill. A nasty stomach thing. Obviously, if I wasn't sick then I would be spouting rubbish at length about the Battle of the Brains in triple posts and about how the Ant Hill Mob are undoubtedly the greatest quiz team in Britain. Yes, THE GREATEST. Even if the show is predicated on a team draw chosen by Shine North and relay-style running order and there is no scoreboard and endgame style tournament for the best performing teams. If the Television People say something, it must be true.

I have to say that whenever Paddy said such bloviated things I instinctively spluttered and giggled at what he said. It was the unbelievable chutzpah, the sheer shiney brass balls of such an unthinking claim, right up there with the Daily Express's masthead statement that it is the "World's Greatest Newspaper", that made me guffaw so very very loudly - that, and Hayley saying "Javier Bardem". She commented afterwards how she had heard me make some 'orrible noise when she made the mistake. I kinda said some sort of apology afterwards, which she might not have heard.

As for the questions, some of the crucial questions which have been so diabolical they must have made the devil stop in his tracks when he was struck by their uber-diabolical nature: of course, they have been manipulated to make sure no one wins too much money. Or any money at all. It's what television production companies do, people. And they can get away with it because what is the likelihood of us taking our complaints to Ofcom and getting anybody to care about them? Zilch, zip and nada. So we must swallow such bitterness and get on with playing the game as best as we can.

The two-hour shows we recorded have been macerated so completely it's like watching the trailer of the main feature film. Interesting questions have been cut, natural tension dissipated and amusing repartee has been omitted, with fake dramatic pauses inserted for silly reasons. This I expected, but it does nothing to enhance the overall impression you get from the programme. In fact, it merely degrades it. It is, as I have said before, an hour/45 minute show stuck in a 30-minute straitjacket.

And - yeah let's talk about me, me and me! - what about my hair? Never has it been so big. I really do have a problem with my body image. It never occurred to me that Cousin It had taken residence on my bonce. Why didn't more people point and laugh? I looked like a right bleeding hippy. No wonder Daphne Fowler told me to get a haircut a few weeks before. Plus, a few weeks ago people in the pub tugged and fiddled with it as if it were an arcade machine and felt bolshy enough to laugh and, this is weird, say admiring things about its possibly Cavalier connotations. Thankfully, I have since chopped my hair down to a respectable 1964 kind of length. Except, I messed my fringe up. Fool. I should really stop cutting my own hair.

However, the same face with the scrunched up eyes and squashed pumpkinhead remains - oddly, the one that never appears in my bedroom mirror, but only on the TV screen. Cosmetic surgery may cure me of the further paranoia induced by its shape and odd movement. Right, enough of the narcissism (though I am sorely tempted to go on. And on).

Anyway, the next match up is Monday BBC2 6pm. We, the greatest quiz team in the country, will be proving that once again we are the greatest quiz team in country. The blinding proof will be there for all to see. We will surely persuade you of our right to parade such an accolade. Or, um, maybe not. Maybe, it's just another quiz show. And if you can't catch it there, try iPlayer. Yes, see my massive hair, funny face and laugh in uproarious fashion.

FE:XXVI
1 Tatsuhiko Takimoto's 2002 novel Welcome to the N.H.K. is the most well-known fictional work dealing with which people, whose name comes from the Japanese for 'pulling away, being confined', as in acute social withdrawal and who are regarded as reclusive individuals who have chosen to withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement due to various personal and social factors in their lives?
2 Bryndzové halušky, meaning potato dumplings with sheep cheese, is the national dish in which country?
3 The capital of the department of Nariño, which Colombian city is located in the Atriz Valley on the Andes cordillera at the foot of the Galeras volcano and is home to the Carnival of Blacks and Whites (Carnaval de Negros y Blancos) that is celebrated from January 4 to January 6 every year?
4 Which 1985 Pet Shop Boys song provides the theme tune to the US reality TV show Beauty and the Geek?
5 In which team sport can you play in the positions Setter, Libero, and Middle Hitter?

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Answers to FE:XXVI
1 Hikikomori 2 Slovakia 3 Pasto or, officially, San Juan de Pasto 4 Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money) 5 Volleyball

Missing

FE:XXV
1 Discounting the 2008 Games, which athlete became the first and only Tunisian to win an Olympic gold medal when he triumphed in the 5000m in 1968?
2 Which Franco-Luxembourgish physicist and inventor (1845 – 1921) and Nobel Laureate in physics is perhaps best known for his method of reproducing colours photographically based on the phenomenon of interference, later known as his eponymous 'plate'?
3 Revolving around the story of a woman imprisoned in an insane asylum by her husband, Maria: or, The Wrongs of Woman (1798), an unfinished novel published posthumously, is regarded by many as whose most radical feminist work?
4 Founded in 1818 by an eponymous banker and merchant, the Städel, officially the Städelsches Kunstinstitut und Städtische Galerie, is an art museum in which city?
5 Poco Mandasawu (2,370 m) is the highest point and Maumere the largest city of which of the Lesser Sunda Islands in the Indonesian province of East Nusa Tenggara?

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Answers to FE:XXV
1 Mohammad Gommoudi 2 Gabriel Lippmann, as in the Lippmann plate 3 Mary Wollstonecraft 4 Frankfurt am Main 5 Flores

I Try Tous Les Jours

Ooh bad luck

I watched the Clayheads vs. Ashford Road Club/Milhous Warriors clash on BOTB tonight. You can too thanks to the expedient magic of iPlayer. Since my team was in the building waiting for our chance to shine or sink, we had heard all the whispers/rumours about Pat getting the Foreign Secretary killer and, after we had recorded, how Booker Prize winners had been switched for Blue Peter presenters at the last minute when it came to Mark's turn - was it 'Sockeye Salmon'? - on the list-based battle, and I have to say the latter team were a trifle unlucky. If one or two questions had gone right for Milhous, then there might have been a bit more of a Rorke's Drift scenario. However, I don't mean to denigrate the Clayheads' excellent achievement in besting them.

It certainly instilled a far more sturdy respect, or quivering trepidation dare I say, in us due to the calibre of opponent they had just, let's be honest, completely obliterated. But that's the nature of the haphazard format. But then again, all quiz shows are afflicted by the haphazard gene on account of the questions being plucked out of the randomness of infinity. Man, I really do hate the randomness of it all. Let everyone get the same 1000 questions and then we might then better know the content of all our quiz brains, even if such a thing is impossible and insane. Unless you're wearing Adidas kit, then Impossible is Nuttin'.

Anyway, it was nice to see an hour of quiz on BBC2 which gave the general populace the opportunity to watch three bona fide world quiz champions - 3/4 of the England team no less - appear on TV and compete, albeit in less than optimum conditions for all concerned.

FE: XXIV
1 Which Italian architect and scene designer built the Basilica of Superga from 1717 to 1731 for Victor Amadeus II of Savoy at the top of the eponymous hill in Turin, and in 1735 was invited to Madrid by the King of Spain, Felipe V, for whom he executed the projects for the Royal Palace, Granja de San Ildefonso and Palacio Real de Aranjuez?
2 What formulation, created by Werner Heisenberg, Max Born, and Pascual Jordan in 1925, was the first complete and correct definition of quantum mechanics and extended the Bohr Model by describing how quantum jumps occur?
3 Born in North Africa in present-day Tunisia on May 27, 1332 AD/732 AH, which historian, scholar, theologian, and statesman born is considered the forerunner of several social scientific disciplines: demography, cultural history, historiography, the philosophy of history, sociology, and modern economics and is sometimes considered to be a 'father' of these disciplines, or even the social sciences in general, for anticipating many elements of these disciplines centuries before they were founded? He is best known for his Muqaddimah (known as Prolegomenon in Greek), the first volume of his book on universal history, Kitab al-Ibar?
4 Bongo Flava, taking its name from the Swahili word 'ubongo' meaning “brains”, is a nickname for hip hop music from which country?
5 Composed of the last segments fused together with the telson, the tail section of the extinct trilobite was given what name that also describes the posterior body part or shield of living crustaceans and some arthropods?

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Answers to FE:XXIV
1 Filippo Juvarra 2 Matrix mechanics 3 Ibn Khaldūn or Ibn Khaldoun (full name in Arabic: Arabic: Abū Zayd ‘Abdu r-Raḥman bin Muḥammad bin Khaldūn Al-Hadrami) 4 Tanzania 5 Pygidium

Time to Yield

Sorry, Pathetic Excuse Comin At Ya

I was going to write about the fact that whenever a major sporting event consumes the entire TV schedule I feel the compulsion to watch every single available moment of it, as is the case with the current Olympics, you know them things what's on the gogglebox all morning and afternoon, as well as other implications for 'training', British optimism and why the hell doesn't the BBC show the Olympic sports I want to watch??? But I don't have the time at the moment. Nyah-nyah-nyeeehh.

FE:XXIII
1 Launched on 28 October 1971 from Launch Area 5B (LA-5B) at Woomera, South Australia on a Black Arrow rocket, what is the only satellite to be launched by a British rocket?
2 Who links Magners cider and the final season of The Wire?
3 Which Early Horizon civilization is believed to have developed around 900 BC and died out around 200 BC according to Edward Lanning, and after the Norte Chico, laid the cultural foundation for the other Peruvian civilisations to come, with its culture representing the first widespread, recognizable artistic style in the Andes?
4 Known by the scientific name Andrias davidianus, what is the largest living amphibian?
5 Which Czech prose writer, journalist, singer, and actor wrote the humorous novel for youths Klapzubova jedenáctka/Klapzuba's Eleven, (1922) about an invincible football team of 11 brothers, and the novel Cirkus Humberto/Circus Humberto (1941), an epic saga about people working in circuses?
Bonus: A co-writer of the song with Judy Hart Angelo, who sung 'Where Everybody Knows Your Name', the theme tune from the sitcom Cheers?

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Answers to FE: XXIII
1 Prospero X-3 2 Steve Earle - he sings Galway Girl on the Magners advert with Sharon Shannon, and he sings the final season version of Down in the Hole in The Wire opening credits 3 Chavin 4 Chinese giant salamander 5 Eduard Bass, born Eduard Schmidt Bonus: Gary Portnoy

The Kevin Bishop Show: is Bollocks

High Hopes Dashed

Tsk. This Channel 4 series has been a grave disappointment. I like Kevin Bishop; he's a damned likable guy and a damn good impressionist. He's even been in a foreign film - of all things! - that I've really liked (though the sequel left a lot to be desired). And he has shown off his skills of mimicry to the full, sometimes brilliant (Jonathan Ross and Ewen McGregor), sometimes what the? (Tom Cruise), but generally spot on in his star vehicle, but the material used to pad them out has been so excruciatingly cheap, easy and crap that all it makes me want to do is shake my head in a vigorously disenchanted manner. Then, tonight, just to illustrate how craven and inept it is there was the University Challenge three-skit series. Competing were Inbred College, Cambridge versus Trustafarian College, Oxford. The contestant names included Spooninmouth, Rah, Horseface and Twate. Stifle your laughter. The best is yet to come.

As ever Bishop unveiled a great Paxman impression, perhaps even better than Chris Barrie's on Spitting Image, but the questions ... read for yourself: "Have you had sex with anyone?" "Do you have any friends apart from the people are sitting with?" and Identify a pair of naked breasts (the picture question). Naturally, the clueless students hadn't, didn't and couldn't.

It was so funny that I stared through the TV and started to grind my teeth. What did you say? The scriptwriters meant to imply that UC contestants are all sexless, friendless white richkid nerds. Ho ho ho - that's such a highly original insinuation I'm going to break down in Niagara tears of hilarity at the righteous stereotypes made comedic gold. No, I won't. I'll continue grinding my teeth into ugly nubs of blackest despair. I thought comedy was meant to evolve not devolve and regress. LIKE THIS.

They could have gone for the surreal joke, clever wordplay, I mean anything but the bucket of baboons' balls they ended up with. Only they probably didn't have the time to write a script, with proper jokes and everything, and instead went for such genius dialogue as "Tits! You bloody geeks!"

As for stuff I liked, well, there are the growlsome Al Pacino impressions, the use of Someone Great in the Fony/Sony ads, his screaming luge competitor, 'Gashes for Gashes' in my moments of terrible weakness, and that's quite possibly it. Everything else has been godawful. Go back to Star Stories, Kev, and be silly and sweary there. This could have been good - it still could be - but for now ... I'll watch it because there really is nothing else on if I happen to stay in. I am forever trapped by circumstance I am.

FE:XXII
1 Which Carniolan - as in modern day Slovenia - diplomat, writer and member of the Holy Roman Empire wrote Imperial Council Notes on Muscovite Affairs/Rerum Moscoviticarum Commentarii (1549), a Latin book on the geography, history and customs of Muscovy and the main early source of knowledge about Russia in Western Europe?
2 What is Barbados' biggest festival, having had its early beginnings on the sugar cane plantations during the colonial period and taking its name from a tradition begun in 1688, and featuring singing, dancing and accompaniment by bottles filled with water, shak-shak, banjo, triangle, fiddle, guitar, and bones?
3 "Discovered" by Swiss ethnomusicologist Marcel Cellier in the 1960s, which Romanian folk musician and "Master of the Pan Flute" has sold over 40 million albums and was asked by Ennio Morricone to perform the pieces Childhood Memories and Cockeye's Song for the soundtrack of Once Upon A Time In America, while his song The Lonely Shepherd, penned by James Last and recorded with the James Last Orchestra, featured in Kill Bill Vol. 1.?
4 Also known in the past as Doi Luang (meaning 'big mountain') or Doi Ang Ka (meaning 'the crow's pond top'), Doi Inthanon at 2,565 metres above sea level (8,415 ft) is the highest mountain in which country?
5 Which religious organization originated in Germany in the late 1940s, having been inspired by the work of Oskar Ernst Bernhardt (also known by his pen name Abdruschin or Abd-ru-shin), principally his collection of 91 lectures In the Light of Truth whose subtitle gives it its name?

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Answers to FE:XII
1 Baron Sigismund von Herberstein 2 Crop Over 3 Gheorghe Zamfir 4 Thailand 5 The Grail Movement

More Lazy Quotage ...

... From The Foot Fist Way

"Meditate on that"
"Your weakness is disgusting to me"
"Tae Kwon Do is a deadly serious killing system"
"I wanted to say you're a whore, but right now your actions and attitude are very whorish"
"Turn that sh** off. Track number three Julio."
"I'm about to sh** my pants this is so f***ing awesome!"
"So it begins"

God that was lazy. I can't be bothered can I? However, it still wasn't quite as f-bomb offensive as it could have been.

See the trailer for the high-larious-beyond-all-reason context and proof as to why Danny McBride may be the newest genius in my cultural life. Did that sound exceedingly something? Whatever, said the hotel clerk to Russell Crowe with the phone. Quiz...

FE:XXI
1 Who played the U-boat Captain held prisoner by the Walmington-on-Sea platoon of the Home Guard in the Dad's Army episode 'The Deadly Attachment'? And what was the failed US 1976 version of Dad's Army called?
2 Which Portuguese artist, who was aged 31 when he died of Spanish flu on October 25, 1918, was known for his exceptional workmanship and painted such works as Saut du Lapin (1911), Cabeça (1913) and Pintura (1917)?
3 Nicknamed Abu al-Futuh, which Mamluk Sultan of Egypt and Syria (d.1277), who made his capitals in Cairo and Damascus, was one of the commanders of the forces that inflicted a devastating defeat on the Seventh Crusade of King Louis IX and led the vanguard of the Egyptian army at the pivotal Battle of Ain Jalut in 1260 that marked the first substantial defeat of the Mongol army?
4 According to the Qur'an (sura 11:44), which mountain is the resting place of the Ark built by the Islamic prophet Noah (Nuh) at God's command and is traditionally believed to be located to the north-east of the Jazirat of Ibn 'Umar in south-east Turkey, close to the Iraqi and Syrian borders?
5 What type of amber differentiates itself from the Baltic type by being mostly transparent, and has a higher number of fossil inclusions, which has enabled the detailed reconstruction of the ecosystem of a long-vanished tropical forest? Resin from the extinct species Hymenaea protera is its source and probably of most amber found in the tropics.

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Answers to FE:XXII
1 Philip Madoc; 'The Rear Guard' 2 Amadeo de Souza Cardoso 3 Baybars or Baibars or al-Malik al-Zahir Rukn al-Din Baybars al-Bunduqdari 4 Mount Judi or Mount Cudi 5 Dominican amber

"No. Jujitsu sucks"

I really want to watch The Foot Fist Way

It looks frickin' awesome! And has Andrew WK on the trailer. The way he was always meant to be used.

Rhubarb, Rhubarb
A mere quiz today. Other work other work other work etc.

FE: XX
1 Sidi Ould Cheikh Abdallahi has been deposed in a military coup d'état. He is president of which country?
2 Deriving its name from a Sorbian word meaning "swamps" or "water-hole", which historical region lies between the Bóbr and Kwisa rivers and the Elbe river in the eastern German states of Saxony and Brandenburg, south-west Poland (Lower Silesian Voivodeship) and the northern Czech Republic? The city of Cottbus is the largest of the region, while historically, Luckau was "Lower" part's capital and Bautzen is the historical capital of "Upper" section.
3 Which 1648 battle was the last action of the Thirty Years' War and saw General Hans Christoff von Königsmarck, commanding Sweden's flying column, enter the eponymous city stealthily?
4 Who wrote the songs Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart, Air Supply's Making Love out of Nothing at All, Barry Manilow's Read 'Em and Weep and Celine Dion's It's All Coming Back to Me Now?
5 Which 1961 musical, with music and lyrics by Johnny Burke and book by Robert E. McEnroe, was based on the John Ford film The Quiet Man?

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Answers to FE: XX
1 Mauritania 2 Lusatia 3 Battle of Prague 4 Jim Steinman 5 Donnybrook!

Brief Encounter

People I Have Never Met Before

A complete stranger says to me as he gets off the train at Goring-on-Sea today, having said absolutely nothing to me all journey long...
"I really didn't like your quiz in The Times today"
I reply: "Er, ok. Thanks"
"I didn't do well at all"
I stifle to urge to say: you're a bit rubbish aren't you just like everyone says they do badly at my quiz, though that's me, admittedly, being spontaneously cruel. The 'state of the quiz score' has become THE opening gambit employed by numerous people I don't know making conversation with me. But when they say they got a score like three, I wonder what's wrong with me; whether my powers have weakened. There is no middle ground. Perhaps, a score of 2.5 would be acceptable to me. Nothing more, nothing less. Instead, I continue with the light-hearted tone of the conversation ...
"So how much did you get?"
"I got one today and one yesterday. Nope, I didn't like it at all"

And with that he was gone. Forever.

Mind you it was better than one encounter I had last Saturday as I was walking down the road.

This fella sitting in a van along with his similarly JJB Sports-attired mate asks me: "Oi bruv, can you open the door at the back for my mate?"

It seems they weren't intelligent enough to operate the handle. I open the door.

The guy who was previously locked up says: "Cheers, mate ... Me love you long time"

I shout: "F*** OFF!!!" Out of earshot, naturally. I ain't no street fighting man. And maybe I shouldn't have gone out dressed like a Vietnamese prostitute. Hmmm. (I then went home to find the front door lock was busted so I had to get a locksmith. It cost me £125! Which made me practically incandescent with rage, scarlet red in the face and boiling, boiling so.)

FE: XIX
1 What three-word term was coined by Sir Walter Scott and H. E. Marshall to describe the Anglo-Scottish War pursued intermittently from 1544 to 1551?
2a) Commonly used in Chinese cuisine and with a name that literally means "yellow wine" or "yellow liquor", Shaoxing wine is a variety of which Chinese alcoholic beverage that is brewed directly from grains such as rice, millet, or wheat and, unlike baijiu, is not distilled, and contains less than 20% alcohol due to the inhibition of fermentation by ethanol at that concentration?
2b) A cheap alcoholic liquor derived from sugar cane that is similar to rum, which drink is typically associated with the state of Michoacan in Mexico, in particular the Tarascan populated areas in the vicinity of Uruapan and has a buttery sweet flavour similar to vanilla and is delicious neat at room temperature?
3 Rob Reger and his company Cosmic Debris Etc. Inc. are creators of which fictional counterculture character, a a 13-year-old girl - birthday September 23 - of exceptionally pale complexion and jet black hair, as well as a black dress and black tights, set off by large white Mary Jane shoes?
4 Which male first name is derived from the Greek for "victory of the people"?
5 In Malaysia, a small number of Eurasians of mixed Portuguese and Malay descent, speak which Portuguese-based creole?

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Answers to FE:XIX
1 "The Rough Wooing" 2a) Huangjiu 2b) Charanda 3 Emily Strange or Emily the Strange 4 Nicholas 5 Papiá Kristang

Hirarious Names

(That's not casual racism. It's a Big Brother reference. Yep, I'll get me coat - DARNELL TO WIN!)

I'm never cutting my own hair again

NEWS FLASH: Yes, earth-shuddering news of such great magnitude you will be awed in the hearing. My Battle of the Brains appearance will not be on August 14 NOT August 13. A letter has since corrected me. It is the day after the monkey paw strikes again. Obscure in-joke there that only about three people will understand. Me elitist? Yah.

Babble
I still can't believe we're into August. I remember when University Challenge series started in September. Think of all the student quartets being denied the chance to watch their dismal round one failures in their common rooms, bars or pubs. What's the point if you can't be a television star within your higher education circle if those people you kinda know are around to see it and are instead frolicking round Europe, like in the Hostel films? Please, won't someone think of the overgrown adolescents who need to fulfill their dream of appearing on UC before their peer group? I know I did. I was booed every time I won the pub quiz in the same bar after we watched the first round there, but thems the breaks.

Keeping my deep disappointment with some of the students on display tonight in silent check - they are young after all and we were young once and made idiot mistakes on UC that forced viewers to scream disparaging comments about our nascent quiz abilities at the TV screen - I noticed a brilliant and evocative name on the Queens' Cambridge team. I won't say which one it was; if you watched it you'll know. But I'm just glad she wasn't surnamed in the singular. That would've really sucked growing up.

FE: XVIII
1 Which musician pioneered "Somali jazz", performing solo and with Waaberi a 300-member music group, but after criticizing the Somali government was banned from singing for two years, and made her living driving a taxi before the civil war forced her and her five children to move to Djibouti where she found asylum in the Danish embassy? This ordeal provided the germ of her solo recording The Journey, with guitars, sequencers and back-up vocals from Peter Gabriel.
2 Considered one of the all-time badminton greats, which Dane won 16 Grand Prix titles, the All England Open Badminton Championships singles title in 1999, four European Championships crowns in the men's single event and topped the world rankings from 1998 to 2001?
3 According to the 2007-2008 Globale Peace Index, what are the three most peaceful countries in the world?
4 Which Luxembourg town, located in a namesake canton and district, is home to the National Museum of Military History, having played a pivotal role in the Battle of the Bulge, since it was here that the river Sauer was crossed on the night of January 18, 1945, by the US 5th Infantry division?
5 Named after a west-central province that was called Thifalia (or Theiphalia) in the 6th century, which donkey breed was developed in France for the sole purpose of producing mules and is characterised by a very long shaggy coat and no dorsal stripe?


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Answers to FE: XVIII
1 Maryam Mursal 2 Peter Gade 3 The most peaceful is Iceland, then Denmark and Norway 4 Diekirch 5 Poitou Donkey

Friday Night Shite

Poverty of the Commissioning Imagination

I must warn you: Do Not Watch Tonightly. It's a piece of crap. I watched it so you don't have to. Now pay me. It's as if the Channel 4 folk had seen the Daily Show and thought they could could do that! But make it completely parochial and inane and therefore transmute it into something completely and irretrievably pants. "Great!", they must have gone on, whilst congratulating themselves on how good they were at TV and putting in some sweary bits and salty sexual references too: stuff that Jon Stewart can't say and do - thereby doing away with the notion of satire and subtletly.

Jason Manford, who's so ubiquitous at the moment he must be a highly contagious virus that has taken on northern human form, made me smirk with mention of the rich casually eating rhino-burgers and unicorn-burgers, but apart from that the premise of so many skits was as flimsy as pee-soaked bog roll. The fake news was facking diabolical. Some of the jokes and stupid correspondent names made me wince with their sheer unfunniness. The dictators and long beards joke was so lame it was as if it had already been chopped off at its decrepit knees. Not sure if that sentence made sense, but we live in a senseless world so it's staying, m'kay?

I did laugh at Manford a minute ago - before I realised he was 27 years old and was therefore going to infect our screens for decades to come - because I've just seen his Wikipedia page. Apparently "He is a bit of a twat, but alright at times". Good entry.

FE: XVII
1 Which football club was founded in late 1897 by pupils from the Massimo D'Azeglio Lyceum school? And which club was founded as a cricket club in 1899 by British expatriates Alfred Edwards and Herbert Kilpin, who came from Nottingham?
2 Which 1874 poem features a crew consisting of ten members, whose descriptions all begin with the letter B: a Bellman (the leader), a Boots, a Bonnet-maker, a Barrister, a Broker, a Billiard-marker, a Banker, a Beaver, a Baker, and a Butcher?
3 Growing in Mexico and the southwestern U.S., which chilli pepper is sometimes called the "mother of all peppers," because it is thought to be the oldest form in the Capsicum annuum species?
4 Released on December 6, 1956 by Paramount Pictures, what was the last film Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis made together?
5 A problem proposed by ancient geometers, what task was proven to be impossible in 1882, as a consequence of the fact that pi (π) is a transcendental, rather than algebraic irrational number; that is, it is not the root of any polynomial with rational coefficients? It had been known for some decades before then that if π were transcendental then the construction would be impossible, but that π is transcendental was not proven until 1882.

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FE: XVI
1 Juventus then Sport Club Juventus; AC Milan 2 The Hunting of the Snark (An Agony in 8 Fits) 3 Chiltepin 4 Hollywood or Bust 5 Squaring the circle